Kevin Hart Funny Quotes And Jokes


These Kevin Hart funny quotes and jokes will sure make you laugh. These Kevin Hart jokes about relationship and life are the best and funniest you will find.

Kevin Hart About Government

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Check out the best Laffy Taffy Jokes that will make you laugh

Kevin Hart Seriously Funny

Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. That’s scary as hell because that’s her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.

Kevin Hart About Relationships

Relationships nowadays = First week: I love you baby.. Second week: Together forever.. Third week: Single.. Check Out Really Funny Relationship Quotes

Kevin Hart About Rick Ross

The day Rick Ross dives into the crowd, is the day we find out who his true fans are.
Check out the coolest Rick Ross Quotes And Lyrics

Kevin Hart About Charlie Sheen

I finally saw the @charliesheen interview & I must say that the **it was EPIC….I am now on a drug called “Kevin Hart” WINNING LOL Check out our awesome collection of really funny Charlie Sheen quotes

Why Did I Date You?

I DON’T have EX’s! I have Y’s. Like ‘Y the hell did I date you?!’

Weird Baby

My baby is weird man… when he get mad, he gets in the oven.

Kevin Hart Teacher Joke

Its about to go down.. My mom told me to tell you! To mind your damn motherfu**ing business ***ch, you lil’ stupid ***ch , dumb teacher ***ch, 2+2 not knowin’ what the fu** it is bich, cross eyed cryin’ down your back fat foot a** ***ch, long titty no nipple havin’ a** bich! An the crazy sh** its my friends in the background OHHHH OHHHH HE SAID SHE AINT ‘ HAVE NO NIPPLES! I got suspended an an a**whoopin’ when I got home my mom said I told you to say 2 cuss words your said… 76 of em.
Check out Really Funny School Jokes

Kevin Hart let me explain quotes

Yeah! Real nig**s. ALL day! Just me. By myself. On the block. Holdin it down. Gun in my waist. Straight face. All day. Not a game. In jail. By myself. 1 bed. No pillow case. 1 pillow. Didnt nobody write me. It was early. Woke up. Went back to sleep. Took a nap. You ever go night night nig**?

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Kevin Hart Vs. Mr. Black In Let Me Explain

Mr. Black: Last night was crazy wasn’t it?
Kevin Hart: Man, I had a ball!
Mr. Black: Well guess what? We gonna do the same sh** again tonight!
Kevin Hart: You see, I’m not gonna do it. I can’t do it two nights in a row. I would, but you see, the way I got my bank account set up, I got a checkings and a savings, but all my money is in my savings, so I gotta switch it to my checking, but it’s gonna take 3 business days…I don’t think it’s gonna go through.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes


What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you “turn up missing”?

Kevin Hart About Looking Back

The only time you should look back in life, is to see how far you have come.

Pass Me The Stapler

So I’m at the office, I tell this guy…Pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn’t, I can’t staple anything. Check out our collection of Really Funny Workplace Jokes

In A Fight With Kevin Hart

If you get in a fight and you’re with me? Then you just got fu**ed up!

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Help Me With The Sale

Well, ‘aight, check this out, dawg. First of all, you throwin’ too many big words at me, and because I don’t understand them, I’m gonna take ’em as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale.

Kevin Hart About His Woman

One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That’s how you know it didn’t go as you planned. Check out Really Funny Cop Jokes

Homeless Man

I just got punked by a homeless man, he asked me 4 some $ so I gave him $5..this ***ch had the nerve 2 say “WTF am I suppose 2 do with this” I then said “Get sumthin 2 eat” he then said “I don’t want 2 eat no fu**ing fast food sh**, that sh** will have me sh***ing on the streets”

Check out more Politically Incorrect Jokes

Kevin Hart About Hangover

Who ever invented ALCOHOL should be shot immediately, Hang overs r the worst…I swear it feels like a fat baby is kicking me in the head.

Kevin Hart About Dreams

How do people sh** on themselves when they are sleeping? That’s some nasty sh**….like what kinda sick dream were you having that caused that.

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Help Me Out

Now, don’t be a negro, be my nig**. Help me out.

Kevin Hart About Justin Bieber’s Movie

Wtf is going on? I just caught 2 thugs walking out of justin bieber’s new movie “Never Say”……..lmao

Our Favorite Kevin Hart Video

Cheese Without The Corners

You like cheese without the corners, in other words you’ll never be a slice ***ch!

Kevin Hart Becomes Jackie Chan

I’m gonna go Jackie Chan on your a**!

Women Who Argue

I dont like to hear women argue….it makes my balls itch.

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Want more celebrity jokes?
Check out
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Related Kevin Hart Links You May Enjoy:
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