35+ Best Really Funny Relationship Quotes

Get really funny relationship quotes. Find some heartfelt ones too. They’re the best you’ll find.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx

We can improve our relationships with others if we become encouragers instead of critics. Joyce Meyer

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
If you liked the last quote, feel free to check out 77 Best Funny Love Quotes.

Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. Jerry Seinfeld

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge. Ronny Shakes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. Ellen DeGeneres
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Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. Maya Angelou

Very Funny Relationship Quotes

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. Dave Attell

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. This is one of funny relationship quotes by Oscar Wilde.
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Yeah, relationships are pretty cool, but have you ever heard of pizza? Unknown

The key to a successful relationship is to clear your Internet history. Unknown

Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Jewish Proverb

Funny Relationship Quotes About Alarm Clock
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My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays. Unknown

There should be a relationship status called, ‘currently creeping’. Unknown

For more funny stuff, please check out 120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines That Will Make Her Laugh right now.

I have a very strange relationship in general with women around my music. There’s some that understand it and some that think there should be a law against it. Nick Cave

Funny Relationship Quotes About Caring For Each Other

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Damn, he’s one lucky man.’ Unknown

Relationship Quotes And Sayings From Famous People

A relationship isn’t going to make me survive. It’s the cherry on top. Jennifer Aniston

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Gardner

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. This is one of funny relationship quotes by Woody Allen.
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My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day — and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Mae West
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It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein

All The Funny Love Quotes And Sayings You Need To Know

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
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Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them. Unknown

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders. Linda Festa

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. Bobby Kelton

When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks. Rita Rudner

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I am convinced that material things can contribute a lot to making one’s life pleasant, but, basically, if you do not have very good friends and relatives who matter to you, life will be really empty and sad and material things cease to be important. David Rockefeller

You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years. Al Cleathen

More Funny Quotes About Love And Relationships

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. Jonathan Carroll

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. Nick Hornby

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. Henny Youngman

Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances. Marc Maihueird

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too. Maria Bamford

 
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