20 Best Banker Jokes
Check out this collection of banker jokes. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about bankers. You will sure find them funny, or we’re not Humoropedia.com.
1. Wall Street Blames The Government
3 guys walk into a bakery: an investment banker, a government employee, and a social worker.
The lady behind the counter puts out a dozen cookies.
Wall Street pockets 11 and tells the social worker the damn government employee is trying to steal his cookie.
Check out our collection of Politically Incorrect Jokes
2. Bankers On A Ship
What’s the difference between a tragedy and a catastrophe?
A tragedy is a ship full of bankers going down in a storm; a catastrophe is when they can all swim.
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3. Banker In A Brothel
– “On your resume you wrote that for 3 years you worked as a pianist in a brothel.”
– “Hmm, actually, I was a banker, but I do not like to talk about it.”
Check out the best collection of Funny Sex Jokes
4. Bank’s Problem
If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.
John Paul Getty
5. Banker And Lawyer
If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Check out our hilarious collection of Lawyer Jokes
6. Two Bankers: One Suicidal, One Greedy
Two bankers are talking:
– “How are you?”
– “Very bad. Completely ruined. I wanted to commit suicide, but I couldn’t do it.”
– “Why don’t you book yourself a contract killer?”
– “How do I do that? I went bankrupt. I have no money.”
– “Don’t worry. I will let you borrow.”
Check out Funny Money Jokes
7. Two Bank Tellers
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only two tellers?
Check out our awesome collection of Windows Jokes
8. Banker In Heaven
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. “See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That’s wonderful!" says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That’s wonderful!" says Albert. “We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"
Check out Albert Einstein Quotes that will inspire you
9. Banker’s Son
In a difficult financial situation, the government of the King Joseph asked for money from the European banker. When signing the agreement, the first minister whispered:
– “Your son is a dangerous anarchist. It’s better to send him abroad. Otherwise we’d have to arrest him.”
Hearing this, the banker replied:
– “I will not sign it. The loan will be canceled.”
– “But why? Don’t you trust our monarchy?
– “No, I don’t. What kind of monarchy are you if you were afraid of my son Moni?”
10. Big Business
A man visits his bank manager and asks:
– “How do I start a small business?”
The manager replies:
– “Start a large one and wait six months.”
11. Bank Robber
“Little Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I’m gonna follow in my dad’s footsteps and be a cop.”
“Is your dad a cop?”
“No, he’s a bank robber.”
Check out the best Little Johnny Jokes
12. Poverty Swiss-Style
Swiss bank. A guy whispers:
– “I want to open a bank account for 2 million dollars.”
Swiss Banker answers:
– “You can say it louder. In our bank poverty is no crime.”
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13. William Shakespeare Is Not A Banker
A lady was newly appointed as a clerk in a bank. The manager of that branch was fond of Literature and books. He asked the clerk:
– "Do you know William Shakespeare?"
The clerk replied:
– "No. In which branch is he working?"
14. Banker’s Interest
Bankers never die. They just lose interest.
15. Banker’s Suit
A young banker decided to get a tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him:
– “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered:
– “Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said:
– “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
18. Maiden Name
I don’t have a bank account, because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
17. Bankers On Stamps
Why did the post office have to recall a series of stamps depicting famous bankers? People were confused about which side to spit on.
18. Investment Bankers In A Pickup Truck
How many investment bankers can you fit in the back of a pickup truck? Only 2 – you have to leave room for the lawn mowers!
19. Difference Between Bond Trader And The Bond
What’s the difference between a bond trader and a bond? The bond matures.
During a bank robbery, the Chief told the Sergeant to cover all exits so that the robbers could not get away. Ten minutes later, the Sergeant reports to the Chief:
– “Sorry sir but they got away.”
The chief replies:
– “I told you to cover all exits, didn’t I?”
– “I did but they got away through the entrance.”
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