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40 Funniest Stupid Questions


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The questions below are so stupid I had to capitalize “Stupid”. I still respect the stupid people who asked them though, because without them the world would be totally smart and you would have nothing to laugh at. Besides, wouldn’t you agree with Einstein?

Funny Einstein about Stupid People

Reason to be around your family?

 

Click on any of these Stupid Questions to get Funny Answer

 

Sweet Sex – Bitter Relationships

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.

How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?

Give him compulsive handjobs.

Why did my last boyfriend dump me?

Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.

Why is my penis itching?

Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.

Who invented microwave oven?

The guy afraid of gas and fire.

How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?

Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.

Why do people masturbate?

To develop biceps. Big Biceps because of Masturbation: "You're Doing It Way Too Much."

Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?

Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.

How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?

Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.

Why don’t you Google it?

Because I am stupid.

Funny Pic Quote about Google Search

Can I go to restroom?

No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: Funny Restroom Pic

Father Internet & That Weird Technology

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.

How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?

Give him compulsive handjobs.

Why did my last boyfriend dump me?

Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.

Why is my penis itching?

Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.

Who invented microwave oven?

The guy afraid of gas and fire.

How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?

Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.

Why do people masturbate?

To develop biceps. Big Biceps because of Masturbation: "You're Doing It Way Too Much."

Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?

Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.

How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?

Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.

Why don’t you Google it?

Because I am stupid.

Funny Pic Quote about Google Search

Can I go to restroom?

No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: Funny Restroom Pic

Inventions & Other Weird Things

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.

How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?

Give him compulsive handjobs.

Why did my last boyfriend dump me?

Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.

Why is my penis itching?

Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.

Who invented microwave oven?

The guy afraid of gas and fire.

How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?

Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.

Why do people masturbate?

To develop biceps. Big Biceps because of Masturbation: "You're Doing It Way Too Much."

Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?

Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.

How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?

Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.

Why don’t you Google it?

Because I am stupid.

Funny Pic Quote about Google Search

Can I go to restroom?

No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: Funny Restroom Pic

Christmas

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.

How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?

Give him compulsive handjobs.

Why did my last boyfriend dump me?

Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.

Why is my penis itching?

Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.

Who invented microwave oven?

The guy afraid of gas and fire.

How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?

Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.

Why do people masturbate?

To develop biceps. Big Biceps because of Masturbation: "You're Doing It Way Too Much."

Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?

Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.

How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?

Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.

Why don’t you Google it?

Because I am stupid.

Funny Pic Quote about Google Search

Can I go to restroom?

No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: Funny Restroom Pic

Anti-Social Media

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.

How do I help my boyfriend who suffers from compulsive masturbation?

Give him compulsive handjobs.

Why did my last boyfriend dump me?

Because you kept on asking him the same stupid question.

Why is my penis itching?

Either you need love and affection or you need to wash it.

Who invented microwave oven?

The guy afraid of gas and fire.

How do you convince woman to give you a blowjob?

Tell her you are gay with erectile dysfunction.

Why do people masturbate?

To develop biceps. Big Biceps because of Masturbation: "You're Doing It Way Too Much."

Is it true that the cost of living has gone up to 50 dollars per blowjob?

Call my sister. She charges only 25 plus tax.

How do you convince hooker to give you free sex?

Tell her you just paid ten grand to other hooker.

Why don’t you Google it?

Because I am stupid.

Funny Pic Quote about Google Search

Can I go to restroom?

No you can't. I forbid you, because I know you want to do something like that: Funny Restroom Pic

Random Stupidity

Make Fun of Stupid People You Know

1. Tell embarrassing, funny story about their stupidity.

Then you can add funny pictures & kindly share it with them. They can leave a reply:

Photo of angry cat telling funny story or

2. Tell their stupid question & get intergalactically funny answer.

Or if you're feeling like king of comedy, tell us your own funny answer. Here is an example: Example of stupid question and funny answer

If you register and make many submissions, you may even become Funniest Man Alive 2013.

 

So Make the World Funnier

& Make 'Em Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SND3v0i9uhE  

Why else bother making fun of stupid humans?

 

Because:

1. humorous quote about planet earth and stupid humans

 

2. Some humans don't even know they are stupid:

Sixth Sense Parody Pic that makes fun of stupid people

 

3. It can help you scream away your tension and stress:

hilarious screaming

 

Follow the Funniness [icon name=icon-arrow-right]

Who invented lying?

The first guy who farted.

If I download some software off the Internet, would it stop working each time I turn off the Internet?

Yes, it would stop working and your brain would get fried.

Why would you give someone a lottery ticket?

To regret it when they win. Funny Regret: 'Keyboard With No Escape Button'

Why does Starbucks give you as many napkins as you want?

It encourages you to masturbate. Funny Masturbation: "Headache? Masturbate."

What if the girl that thinks I’m the dad isn’t the mom?

This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut. Source: Complex.com

Why do babies cry?

To annoy the parents they can't stand.

Who invented condom?

The guy afraid of babies and holes.

How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?

Dude, when you find out, let us know.

How can I lose weight without moving?

Easy: Starve yourself.

Is it okay to boil headphones?

You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.

HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?

Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?

What did chicken egg say to nerd’s egg?

You're an egghead.Funny Answer of Egghead: "Last chick to sit on my face was my mother!"

How much listerine does it take to get drunk?

What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?

I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

Here Jesus, come on, boy.

Why are chicken egg and nerd’s egg similar?

Neither can get any action.

Why is there no naked hooker under your Christmas tree?

Santa decided to have some fun.

Did you have sex with a chimpanzee?

Yes, I did. It was my girlfriend who looked like a life-size copy of chimpanzee.

What do you have to do to fly to Moon?

Marry the daughter of a billionaire and kill her father, so you would have money to pay for the flight, or just smoke some pot and pretend you are an alien.

Why is my neighbor’s wife hotter than mine?

She would seem less hot than yours. You just have to find out that your neighbor is having sex with her.

What’s the difference between girlfriend and a wife?

Unfortunately a big one. About 25 pounds.

Is zebra a yellow horse with black stripes or a black horse with yellow stripes?

It is an invisible horse with stripes yellow and black, so people would not bump into it.

Who is the greatest person ever?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a 45-year-old woman virgin, for example, she'd say: "The inventor of electric dildo". If you ask a 45-year-old man virgin, however, he'd say: "The inventor of porn, but I don't know who invented it. But I watch it from my iPhone. So I have to thank Steve Jobs and Apple."

Why do they keep monkeys in a zoo?

So they could not evolve into even more stupid human beings.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

Why are so many people dumb?

Who invented the wheel?

The guy who borrowed a lot of money and wanted to keep it.