Savage Roasts List With 100+ Very Good Roasts That Hurt
Dive into our top 100+ savage roasts and discover the most hurtful roast ever, readying your ultimate argument and comeback for any situation, from a school showdown to office banter.
Cast your vote for the best zinger at the bottom and share the laughs with friends—they’ll love it. Featuring the meanest roasts packed with fresh, brutal burns updated for this year, plus exclusive content just for you. So please keep scrolling because your new favorite roast awaits!
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
“If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
“You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
“I’ve seen smarter cabinets at IKEA.”
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
“You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
“I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
“Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.”
“Shock me, say something intelligent.”
“You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.”
“Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing.”
“You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.”
“You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.”
“Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
“You’re as useful as a knitted condom.”
“I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
“If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid.”
“You are the human version of period cramps.”
“You’re like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
“You’re as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.”
“I’d say you’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’, but at least it shows up.”
“You’re like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think ‘Not now.'”
“If being clueless was a competition, you’d be the reigning champion.”
“You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.”
“Your attempt at being cool is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.”
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cab-bitch.”
“You’re like WiFi. Everyone searches for you, only to be disappointed by the connection.”
“You’re like a cloud service. More space than substance.”
“You’re the ‘Terms and Conditions’ of people. Everyone ignores you.”
“Your personality is like a no-data zone. Absolutely no connections.”
“You’re like a puzzle with missing pieces, impossible to figure out and ultimately disappointing.”
“If you were a flavor, you’d be plain yogurt – bland and uninteresting.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a typo.”
“You’re like a crosswalk signal. Even when you give directions, nobody waits for you.”
“If laziness were an Olympic sport, you’d somehow still come in second.”
“You’re as essential as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.”
“Your vibe is like a silent alarm clock. Absolutely useless.”
“If you were a movie, you’d be a long commercial before the main feature that nobody likes.”
“You’re like a mystery novel with the last page missing.”
“You’re the person everyone wants to unfollow in real life.”
This collection of 45 good roasts is designed to arm you with quips that hit just the right note of humor and bite. But remember: the key to successful roast lies not just in the words you choose, but in the spirit of fun with which you deliver them. To know more about roasting anyone in any argument – please see the roasting guide below because maybe you’ll become a roasting champion!
How To Roast Like A Savage
Savage roasts alone aren’t enough. Roasting like a savage is an art form that requires the finesse of a poet, the sharpness of a stand-up comedian, and the bravery of a gladiator entering the coliseum. So here’s a cheeky guide to mastering the craft:
Step 1: Wear Your Thick Skin Suit
Before you embark on your roasting journey, ensure your skin is as thick as the plot of a telenovela. You’ll need to take a roast as well as you can dish it out.
Step 2: Study the Masters
Watch endless hours of comedy roasts by legends such as Don Rickles, read witty repartees by Oscar Wilde, and memorize rap battle comebacks. Your brain should be a well-oiled machine, ready to spit fire.
Step 3: Aim for the Funny Bone, Not the Heart
The goal is to elicit laughter, not tears. Target universal quirks and avoid personal tragedies. Remember, you’re roasting, not incinerating.
Step 4: Creativity is Key
Your roast should be as unique as a snowflake in a Florida summer. Avoid clichés like avoiding your responsibilities on a Monday morning.
Step 5: Timing is Everything
Unleash your roast with the precision of a cat pouncing on an unsuspecting laser dot. A well-timed roast can be the difference between a burst of laughter and a tumbleweed moment.
Step 6: Keep It Brief
Your roast should be short and sweet, like a leprechaun at a candy store. If you’re rambling, you’re losing.
Step 7: Practice Your Poker Face
Deliver your roast with the emotional range of a teaspoon. The less they see coming, the better the impact.
Step 8: Have Your Escape Route Planned
Not every roast lands. Have a backup joke or a literal exit route ready. Sometimes, the best follow-up is a strategic retreat.
Step 9: Read the Room
Understand your audience. Roasting your boss with the same zeal as your best friend is as advisable as using a toaster to light a barbecue.
Step 10: Enjoy the Fallout
Whether you receive an ovation or a cold shoulder, relish in the aftermath. You’ve just participated in one of humanity’s oldest traditions: making fun of each other.
And there you have it, a foolproof guide to roasting like a savage. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Use your newfound skills wisely, or at least make sure you’re entertaining by using our savage roasts list .
What Kind Of Roasts Are There?
In the grand tradition of witty banter and spirited repartee, the art of the roast holds a special place. It’s a world where words are both the sword and the shield, wielded with precision by those brave enough to enter the arena. But what exactly constitutes a roast? From the hallowed halls of comedy clubs to the less formal battlegrounds of family dinners and Twitter feuds, let’s explore the many flavors of roasts that exist in the wild.
1. The Prime Time Celebrity Charbroil
This is where fame meets flame. Celebrities gather to be roasted over an open fire of jokes, making us wonder if they’re seasoned with anything other than their own tears.
2. The “We’re Still Friends, Right?” Grill
Practiced among comrades, where the roasts are so spot-on, you’d think they were marinated in inside jokes and basted in personal regrets. Perfect for testing the boundaries of friendship and the effectiveness of apology texts.
3. The “Mom Finds It Funny” Family Roast
A delightful mixture of nostalgia and embarrassment, often served during holidays. Where your past fashion disasters are the main course, and your questionable life choices are the dessert.
4. The Digital Skewer
An online joust where emojis are the weapons and “likes” the armor. It’s a place where you can get roasted for anything, from your profile picture to your poorly spelled rant about why pineapple does belong on pizza.
5. The Mirror-Mirror-on-the-Wall Roast
A solo act where you’re both the comedian and the punchline, proving that self-awareness can be painful but hilarious. It’s like being roasted by a clone who knows all your secrets.
6. The “Oops, Did I Say That?” Roast
The accidental roast, where compliments go to die. It’s the verbal equivalent of tripping up the stairs—you didn’t mean for it to happen, but it’s oddly entertaining for everyone else.
7. The Time Traveler’s Toast
Why limit ourselves to the present when history is filled with roast-worthy material? Imagine telling Julius Caesar he’s not the only one with a stab in the back.
8. The Corporate Comedy Central
A delicate blend of humor and career preservation, perfect for when you want to roast Bob from accounting but still need him to approve your expense reports.
9. The Gourmet Roast
Actually about food, but if you ever want to spice things up, tell a chef their signature dish tastes like it was seasoned with indifference and garnished with mediocrity.
10. The Silent Scream
For those moments when your brain roasts someone silently, providing internal entertainment that’s too spicy to be served aloud.
5 Meanest Roasts
“You’re like a software update in the middle of a phone call—unnecessarily interrupting and universally disliked.”
“If you were a spice, you’d be flour. Because you manage to be both essential and utterly flavorless at the same time.”
“Your intellect reminds me of a solar panel in London—barely functional and disappointingly underutilized.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a typo in an otherwise flawless piece of literature. Noticeable, slightly annoying, and easily corrected.”
“Engaging in a battle of wits with you is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how well I play, you just knock over the pieces, poop on the board, and strut around like you won.”
Remember, the spirit of a good roast lies in jest and should always aim to entertain rather than genuinely offend.
25 Most Savage Roasts
Where’s your off button?
I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.
My hair straightener is hotter than you.
I have heels higher than your standards.
You have more faces than Mount Rushmore.
I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.
You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
I’m visualizing duck tape over your mouth.
You’re the reason I prefer animals to people.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
I’d smack you, but that would be animal abuse.
You sound reasonable… Time to up my medication.
Hey, I found your nose, it’s in my business again!
I might be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
My middle finger gets a boner every time I see you.
Is there an app I can download to make you disappear?
90% of your ‘beauty’ could be removed with a Kleenex.
The people who know me the least have the most to say.
I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm.
I didn’t change. I grew up. You should try it sometime.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
I’m sorry that my brutal honesty inconvenienced your ego.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick.
It’s scary to think people like you are allowed to vote.
I’m sure you’re gonna like these roasting lines because they’re brutal yet witty.
Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.
You should really come with a warning label.
You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.
Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck it back in.
No, no. I’m listening. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once.
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10 Savage Roasts That Hurt
These are the most brutal roasts you’ll ever find. Use them responsibly only when absolutely necessary.
The last time I saw something like you I flushed.
I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
You’re more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
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If you like these savage roasts that hurt, you’ll also like these absolutely hilarious and best yo mama jokes.
7 Best Mean Roast Jokes For Friends, Brothers, And Almost Everyone Else
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like the most in me: my pretty face or my sexy body?” He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor.” I hope you won’t be saying that to your wife, or if you do, may God send you a gorgeous mistress if that happens. Either way, if you like this roast joke, I believe you’ll also like these funny one liner jokes.
Did you hear about the two bald guys who have put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves.
An old teacher asked her student: “If I say ‘I am beautiful’, which tense is that?” The student replied: “It’s obviously past.” If you like the roasting lines you’ve just read, you’ll also like these awesome Little Johnny jokes.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks: “If you were any sort of a gentleman, you’d lift your hat to a lady.” He replies: “If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.”
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Whenever your ex says “you’ll never find someone like me”, the answer to that is: “That’s the point.”
My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut in his face.
If you like thesemean roast jokes, please share this page with your friends now. Then please vote on your favorite roast below because your opinion matters. In case your favorite roast isn’t on the list below, your vote would add it to the list. So please do vote or expand thisroast list with your own mean creation.
Roman Marshanski is the founder of Humoropedia.com and former Hollywood actor. You can Google his name to see the list of his movies (or you can click on his name above this box to visit his personal website). He wrote thousands of pages of fiction. Some of that fictional writing is screenplays and a lot of it is comedic writing. So he completed two feature film screenplays and many shorter literary works, some of which are comedy. He did most of that writing during his film career as a Hollywood actor. He was the lead actor in Rebecca Cremona's Magdalena. Rebecca Cremona was Steven Spielberg's protege on Munich. So he has a deep understanding of the creative process and can be considered an authority on all things related to humor. Indeed, his screenplays contain a lot of humor. That's where his love for jokes started. Eventually, this love of jokes led Roman to the creation of Humoropedia.com, the wonderful home of funny jokes and witty puns. He thinks humor is something very good. If you also think so, please follow him on X now because he has a sense of humor.
