39 Funny Cactus Puns & Jokes


These are the best funny cactus puns and jokes you’ll find. LOL with ’em now and share ’em later.

You’re in the best place for cactus humor. Cacti, or cactuses, are best observed in dry environments, and the jokes are best enjoyed on Humoropedia.com, where you are.

While these succulent plants prefer extremely dry environments, such as deserts, the jokes you’ll find here are succulent with cactus humor. Cactuses, as the succulents of the plant family Cactaceae, have adapted their fleshy parts to store water. I, on the other hand, have adopted their fleshy parts for some succulent jokes. So without further ado, I introduce to you these clean cactus jokes for kids and adults. Many of these jokes are pretty cute and all except for five are clean; those five are slightly dirty but in a good humorous way. A few of them are somewhat rude, but all of them are awesome and almost all are perfect both for school and home.

Plus, you can use these puns about cactus for Instagram captions. You can also use some of them for birthday cards, as there’s a whole section of awesome birthday puns. Some of them you can use on the Valentine’s Day to express your love in a quirky way. You can even put these puns on your Christmas cards. That would be pretty original because cacti aren’t usually associated with winter holidays, unlike these funny Christmas jokes.

But this page has more than just funny one liner jokes. It also has some awesome bonus content, like the beautiful cactus pictures you’ll see below. But it’s only a part of the awesomeness you’ll find below. In short, cactuses have never been funnier and more awesome than here on Humoropedia.com.

The Editor’s Favorite Cactus Joke

One cactus asks the other: “Can you understand the human language?” The other cactus responds: “Yeah, human language is really easy. Humans just keep on saying ouch all the time.”

11 Best Cactus Puns

cactus in the brown pot
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  1. The cactus couple love their new apartment. They’re happy occuplants.
  2. When the little cactus won her first trophy in school, she came back home shouting to everyone: “I have some plantastic news.”
  3. The wife cactus was upset. The husband asked her what happened. She replied: “You’ve been taking me for planted.”
  4. The cactus finally got his certification to practice medicine. He was now a doctor in spike-ology. If you like this cactus pun, you’ll also like these awesome medical jokes.
  5. The cactus forgot his way back home when he decided to go on a solo adventure. He was in quite a prickle.
  6. The coach was choosing players for the baseball team. The overly excited cactus yelled: “Prick me! Prick me!”
  7. The cactus couple threw a Christmas party for the neighborhood. On the cake they wrote: “Merry Cactmas.” If you like this pun, please check out these funny Christmas quotes now because you’re gonna like them too.
  8. The newlywed cactus couple were on their honeymoon. The wife cactus told her husband: “I’m so glad that we pricked each other.” If you think that this is funny, you’ll enjoy these funny marriage jokes.
  9. The cactus who was turning 16, decided to throw a sweet 16 birthday party. Her friend said: “I hope your birthday party planning is on point.”
  10. Whenever a cactus goes for a job interview, he always wears a cactie.
  11. I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.
Funny Cactus Pun About A Prick
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If you like the last one of these funny cactus puns you’ve just read, you’ll also like these funny comebacks.

7 Funny Cactus Jokes

cactus in the desert near mountains
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  1. Disappointed by my family tree. Turns out it’s a cactus. There’s a prick on every branch.
  2. Did you hear about the cactus that went to the party? He spiked the drinks.
  3. Why didn’t the cactus have friends? He was a bit prickly.
  4. What do you call a rude cactus? A prick.
  5. What did the food critic call the cactus pie? A succulent meal.
  6. What did the happy cactus say to the grumpy cactus? Don’t be so prickly.
  7. Why don’t you hug a cactus? I’m not into the cactus kinky stuff.
Funny Cactus Joke About A Hug
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Do you like these funny cactus jokes? If you do, then I’m sure you’ll like these plant puns and these plant jokes.

11 Awesome Cactus Birthday Puns For Love & Other Occasions

You can write one of these puns on the birthday card. You can also write one of them on the Valentine’s Day card to express your love. Tell the cactus how much you love him. You’re crazy enough to be in love with a cactus, right? Just kidding, I know you’re not crazy enough to be talking to a cactus. On the other hand, I have nothing against you if you do talk to your cactus as long as you keep the conversations intelligent. In any case, I hope you like these cactus puns that are like these funny birthday quotes.

  1. I hope your birthday is on point.
  2. I’m glad I pricked you.
  3. You’re prickly like a cactus, but I love you anyway.
  4. Someone is bitchy like a cactus, but that’s the way I like it, and you know who it is.
  5. You’re so kinky you’re like a sexy cactus.
  6. May the cactus force be with you. If you like this Star Wars themed pun, you’ll like these funny Star Wars jokes.
  7. I hope your bank account will be as green as a cactus.
  8. You’re cooler than a cactus in sunglasses.
  9. May your friends be better to you than a cactus. I’ll sure be one of them.
  10. I’ll treat you better than a cactus. But only for one day.
  11. Another year has gone by, but you’re still as sharp as a cactus. Maybe aliens have kidnapped you and turned you into a cactus.

I, Roman Marshanski, wrote the last nine cactus birthday puns you’ve just read. If you like ’em, please follow me on Twitter now and occasionally retweet me later. That would help me continue running this site and publish more fun stuff for you. So please do follow me right now.

3 Cactus One Liners By RM

These are cactus one liners by yours truly Roman Marshanski, just like the last knock knock joke you’ll find on this page. Some other jokes on this page aren’t written by myself. But if you like my one liners and you haven’t followed me on Twitter yet, please do so today.

  1. What did sadomasochist say to the cactus that pricked him? “Thank you, baby.”
  2. What did sadomasochist say to his cactus? “Yeah, I’ll marry you baby.”
  3. What should you give a sadomasochist for Christmas? A big cactus for pleasure.

The Best 3 Cactus Puns From Reddit

  1. Don’t be a prick. Get to the point.
  2. Unlike cacti, college students need a shower more than once a week.
  3. Come for the free cactus hugs, bro.

The last pun you’ve just read is different on Reddit. The original phrase on Reddit is the following one: “I also think ‘free hugs’ is pretty funny.” I prefer my interpretation because it’s more of a joke.

3 Cactus Knock Knock Jokes

  1. Knock knock. Who’s there? Not a cactus because cacti can’t knock.
  2. Knock knock. Is it a cactus knocking on my door? Are you on drugs, bro?
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cactus. Cactus who? The drunk talking cactus with a public announcement: you drank too much.
Cactus Knock Knock Joke About Being Drunk
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If you like these three jokes you’ve read, you’ll also like these knock knock jokes.

Related Video

Watch this video now. Find out why the guy decided to run into a cactus maze.

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