300 You Might Be A Redneck If Jokes
Laugh at 300 really funny you might be a redneck if jokes by Jeff Foxworthy. We did our best to bring you only the best ones.
1 The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
2 You own a homemade fur coat.
3 You have a rag for a gas cap.
4 You’ve ever used lard in bed.
5 You’ve ever bought a used cap.
6 You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
7 You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
8 You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
9 You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
10 You have ever used lard in bed.
11 you ever got too drunk to fish.
12 You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
13 Fewer than half of your cars run.
14 Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
15 You own at least 20 baseball hats.
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16 Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
17 Birds are attracted to your beard.
18 You pick your teeth from a catalog.
19 You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
20 You bring your dog to work with you.
21 Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
22 You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.
23 You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.
24 You have more guns than teeth.
25 Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
26 you mow the front yard and find a car.
27 Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
28 You’re considered an expert on worm beds.
29 You’ve ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
30 You burn your yard rather than mow it.
31 your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
32 Your other truck is made by John Deere.
33 You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
34 You gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end”
35 The primary color of your car is Bondo.
36 Your family’s No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
37 You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
38 You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
39 You ever cut your grass and found a car.
41 You clean your fingernails with a stick.
42 you think suspenders are a type of shirt.
43 You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.
44 The primary color of your car is “bondo”.
45 You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
46 you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.
47 You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
48 You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
49 The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
50 You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
51 You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.
52 You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
53 Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
54 You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
55 Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.
56 you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
57 Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator
58 You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
59 you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
60 Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
61 Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
62 Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.
63 You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
65 Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
66 you consider the fifth grade you senior year.
67 Your home has more miles on it than your car.
68 Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
69 your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
70 Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
71 You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
72 You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
73 You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
74 Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
75 Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
76 You use lava soap more than three times a day.
77 You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
78 Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
79 the main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
80 your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
81 You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
82 You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
83 Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
84 There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.
85 you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
86 You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
87 Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
88 You think the stock market has a fence around it.
89 Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
90 The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
91 You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
92 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
93 You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
94 Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
95 You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
96 Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
97 Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
98 You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
99 Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
100 Red man Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
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101 The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.
102 You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
103 You’ve never paid for a haircut.
104 You’ve ever hit a deer with your car..on purpose! ”
105 You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
106 You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.
107 You stare at a box of orange juice in the morning that said concentrate on it.
108 You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.
109 You go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.
110 You’ve ever fed your date french fries in a Denny’s.
111 You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
112 People hear your car a long time before they see it.
113 Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
114 You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
115 You stare at a box of orange juice in the morning that said concentrate on it.
116 You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertible top.
117 You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
118 Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
119 You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
120 There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
121 When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
122 You’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
123 Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
124 you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
125 The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
126 You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
127 Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.
128 Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
129 You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
130 You have the local taxidermist’s number on speed dial.
131 your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
132 The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
133 Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
134 You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.
135 You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.
136 You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
137 You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
138 You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
139 You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
140 If you see a horse on the side of a country road, you pull over and try to put it in the backseat of a Chrysler Newport.
141 Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
142 If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year,”
143 Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
144 You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
145 You tape phone numbers on the back of your cell phone.
146 You might be a redneck if your school hands out race tickets for perfect attendance.
147 your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
148 Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
149 Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
150 It’s Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
151 You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
152 Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
153 Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
154 You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
155 There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
156 You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
157 There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
158 You can’t take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.
159 Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
160 You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
161 Directions to your house include “Turn off the paved road.”
162 You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
163 Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
164 The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
166 After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
167 Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
168 You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.
170 you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
171 Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
172 The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.
173 You’d rather catch bass than get some (if you can’t guess…)
174 Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
175 You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
176 The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.
177 In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”.
178 Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
179 You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’
180 You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
181 You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
182 Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
183 You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
184 You idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”
185 Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.
186 You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
187 If your eating duck and it still has a pulse.
188 You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
189 You idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”
190 Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
191 You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
192 You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.
193 You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
194 You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
195 You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
196 Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
197 going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
198 You’ve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
199 Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
200 Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
201 You think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk.
202 you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
203 You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
204 The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
205 You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
206 You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
207 you bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you’re at work.
208 You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
209 You’ve ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they closed it
210 Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.
211 You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
212 During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
213 You replace a flat tire on your truck with a tire from your house.
214 You participate in the “who can spit tobacco the farthest contest”.
217 The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places’
219 You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
220 Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
221 On your job application under “SEX” you put “As often as possible”.
222 You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just “Misunderstood”.
223 Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
224 You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
225 You have flowers planted in a bathromm appliance in your front yard.
226 Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
227 Yer mom calls ya over t’help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house
228 You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
229 You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.
230 You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
231 You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
232 You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
233 Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
234 You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
236 The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”.
237 The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
238 Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
239 You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
240 you see no need to stop at a rest stop ’cause you have an empty milk jug.
241 Someone in your family says “Cum’n heer an’ lookit this afore I flush it.”
242 More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
243 You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
244 Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
245 You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
246 You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
247 Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
248 When a sign that says “Say No To Crack!” reminds you to pull up your jeans.
249 You’ve ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
250 You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
251 There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
252 You know you’re a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
253 There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
254 The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.
255 On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
256 You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
257 Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
259 Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
260 You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My Mind”.
261 Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
262 “Buck Naked Line Dancing” isn’t a videotape, it’s “Ladies Night” at the local bar.
263 Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
264 You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
265 When you see a sign that says “Say No To Crack,” it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
266 You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.
267 You’re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.
268 Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
269 You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
270 The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
271 You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
272 You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
273 Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
274 Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
275 You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
276 Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
277 You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
278 You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift
279 You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve…
280 Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide
281 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
282 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
283 The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!” “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin?”
284 The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?”
285 You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
286 Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
287 You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.
288 You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
289 You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.” or “Play Ball…”
290 Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they’ve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
291 Your biggest ambition in live is to “git thet big’ole coon. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah bubba’s barn…”
292 You call your boss “Buddy”, on a regular basis.You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
294 If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
295 You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: “for a good time call . .”, because you feel guilty about putting it there…
296 The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
297 You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.
298 “Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?” is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love.
299 When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
300 Ninety percent of your diet consists of deep fried food.
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