35 Funny Spongebob Roasts, Quotes, And Jokes

LOL at 35 best Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes. If you’re a fan of SpongeBob SquarePants, this page is for you.

Here, you’ll find the most awesome content from this Nickelodeon TV show. It has the most memorable parts of dialogue between SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, and Squidward. You’ll also find funny quotes of other characters from this Stephen Hillenburg TV series. So remember to share this page with your fellow fans of this animated television series.

9 Best Spongebob Roasts

Spongebob Roasts About A Hat
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1

Spongebob: What’s the first thing you’re gonna wish for?

Squidward: To be as far away as possible from you.

2

Squidward: I call it bold & brash.

Curator: More like belongs in the trash.

Janitor: Sorry, I missed that one.

3

Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
Conch Shell: No.

Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
Conch Shell: No.

Squidward: Can’t you say anything else but no?
Conch Shell: Try asking again.

Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
Conch Shell: No.

4

Mr. Krabs: You and one army bub?

Plankton: Ha-ha, look around you, Krabs.

Camera shows an army of small, green plankton surrounding the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs: You planted grass?

5

Squidward: Oh, that was a foul!

Sandy: Tell it to your momma, Squidward!

Squidward: Momma?

Squidward’s Momma: Don’t wanna hear it!

6

Spongebob: Gee Squidward, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said.

7

Patrick: Who cares about a stupid star?

Spongebob: Gee Patrick, it seems you would care a lot about stupid stars considering you ARE one!

8

Plankton: I’m Plankton, you old hag! Your son smells like boogers.

Dad: You can’t talk to my wife that way! What do you think this is?!

Plankton: I think it’s time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That’s what is!

Grandma: Hey, you can’t talk to my grandson like that! Someone outta put you in a mental hospital!

Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down a river, grandma!

Grandma: You’re probably right.

9

Mr. Krabs: Take that filthy pile of trash with you.

Spongebob: You shouldn’t talk about Squidward like that.

If you enjoyed these clean Spongebob roasts, you’ll also enjoy this list of really funny comebacks, insults, and burns.

YouTube Compilation Video

Watch the best moments from SpongeBob SquarePants now.

5 Really Funny Spongebob Quotes

Funny Spongebob Quote
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1

Painting: Are you ready kids?

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

Painting: I can’t hear you!

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

Painting, Kids: Ohhhh… Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: If nautical nonsense be somethin’ you wish.

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Painting, Kids: Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!

[Hearty laugh]

Painting, Kids: [SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]

2

Spongebob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be? Patrick: Um… more time for thinking.

3

SpongeBob SquarePants: I’m every bit as good as Larry, and if I’m not, then may I be struck by…

[rumble of thunder]

SpongeBob SquarePants: … a flying ice cream truck.

[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!

[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]

Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.

4

SpongeBob: Hi, Kevin. I’m your biggest fan.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: That’s nice. Security!
SpongeBob: No, no! I’ll do anything you want!
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Go jump off a building.
[SpongeBob jumps off building, returns]
SpongeBob: Anything.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Punch yourself in the face.
[SpongeBob punches himself with a boxing glove]
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Doesn’t that hurt?
SpongeBob: [Puts on a metal gauntlet with spikes] Do you want it to hurt, Kevin?

5

SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus…
[Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: … especially one that’s going up at a 90 degree angle.

11 Best Spongebob Quotes

1

Spongebob: “Run Mr. Krabs! Run like you’re not in a coma!”

2

Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]

3

-Patrick, don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?
-Not until 4.

4

Knowledge cannot replace friendship. Patrick Star

5

Always follow your heart unless your heart is bad with directions. Spongebob

6

Sometimes we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems. Patrick Star

7

With imagination, you can be anything you want. Spongebob

8

You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Spongebob

9

I don’t get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Squidward clean my yard, but that really means he’s messing it up. But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Squidward is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, Squidward is being the opposite of Squidward which means he’s Spongebob! Spongebob

10 It’s not always what you say that matters, sometimes it’s what you don’t say. Mr. Krabs

11

One time, I saw a magician, and he did this thing, and then… well, anyway, he said that if you believe in yourself, and with a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams can come true.

7 Really Funny Spongebob Jokes

Funny Spongebob Jokes About Mental Health
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1

Patrick: “SpongeBob, my legs are frozen solid, you’ll have to cut them off.”
SpongeBob: “I can’t do that Patrick.”
Patrick: “Why not?!”
SpongeBob: “Because I already cut off my arms!”
Patrick: “Noooo!

2

Patrick: “A poem by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom.”

3

Sandy: “There ain’t nothing you can do to stop me!”
SpongeBob: “Oh yeah? What if I said … ‘blargen fedibble no-hip’?”
Sandy: “Well, I gotta admit, that slowed me down.”

4

Sqidward: “Repeat after me, I have no talent.”
SpongeBob: “I have no talent.”
Sqidward: “Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.”
SpongeBob: “Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.”
Sqidward: “If I’m lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles talent will rub off on me.”
SpongeBob: “If I’m lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.”
Sqidward: “Whatever.”

5

SpongeBob: “I don’t think we can stop the dragon with our bare hands.”
Patrick: “Yeah, we need some gloves.”

6

SpongeBob: “I don’t want to grow up! I want cookies!”

7

SpongeBob: “I don’t know how to say it, but our old pal Squidward … He’s … He’s…He’s pushing up daisies!”
Patrick: “Oh, I thought he was dead.”

If you enjoyed reading these funny Spongebob jokes, you’ll also enjoy watching this hilarious video.

Have a laugh with these underrated jokes if you’re a Spongebob fan. Watch it now.

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