15 Best Workplace Jokes
Check out these 15 Best Workplace Jokes we have found for you. We did our best to bring you only the funniest.
1. People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? When’s the last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.
2. Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
3. An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
4. My boss was into all this retarded motivational stuff. I remember once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know why too”.
5. A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well,” says the policeman, “tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!” “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it.”
6. There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant. The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say “we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?” The mathematician, without hesitation, says “1000.” The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers “1000… I’m 95% confident.” He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way. When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: “what is 500 plus 500?” The accountant replies, “what would you like it to be?” They hire the accountant.
7. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
Reasons For Leaving The Last Job
These are from actual resumes:
8. “Responsibility makes me nervous.”
9. “They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
10. “Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
11. “The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
12. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
Typos From Resumes
These are also from actual resumes:
13. “Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”
14. “I’m a rabid typist.”
15. “Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”