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You may have heard that Tim Cook is gay. What you haven’t heard is that Tim Cook’s brother is gay too, and Tim Cook is proud of that too.
In a press release distributed only among the select few, Tim Cook has praised his own brother for being gay:
“I believe deeply in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, who said: ‘Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?’
Now is the time for me to do something for my brother. Now is the time for me to praise my brother for being gay.
Here is what I have to tell you. I always loved you. I always knew you are like me. But there is one thing I want to ask you. Indeed, it’s very important that I ask.
Now is the time. Now is the time you helped the world. Now is the time you helped both our brothers gays and the world overall. Now is the time for you to become CEO of Google. When you become CEO of Google, we can complete our world domination. Gays would become the dominant species.”
The gays all over the world have been ecstatic. They expressed their gratitude to Tim Cook and his brother. They did this in also sorts of ways, such as painting Tim Cook’s face on their body parts, even the private ones.
The statement issued by Tim Cook was supposed to be secret. Therefore, Tim Cook has kept silence, pretending he never issued that gay conspiracy statement. But gays all over the world are ecstatic that Tim Cook has begun the conquest of heterosexual population.
It is believed that very soon – as soon as Tim Cook’s brother becomes CEO of Google – everyone will be forced to prove their homosexuality before being allowed into Apple Stores.
Lots of people have already agreed to switch from women to men and from men to women in order to continue using Apple products. It is believed that Apple products cause orgasm.
Fox News have reported this story under the title “Everyone Goes Gay. Republicans Blame Obama.”
Obama, however, has once again stressed his support for the rights of LGBT community. Then added that he is neither homosexual nor heterosexual, which raises some serious questions about his orientation. But we all know that he’s just an old sport who keeps on wavering from one mistake to another, so let’s forgive him.
Tim Cook, by the way, did forgive Obama for not taking stronger side with gays. He said he would still send Obama a free Macbook this Christmas.
Everything is well in Tim Cook universe. So is in the Apple universe.
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