This Is How Facebook Trending Ads Are Going To Annoy You


You may have heard of a Facebook’s new feature ‘Trending’. It allows you to see what’s popular on Facebook. What you haven’t heard of, is the new feature for advertisers. It would annoy you more than anything else before, at least on Facebook. However, advertisers would love it – is not it what Facebook is for?

Facebook’s ‘Trending Ads’ would allow advertisers to take control of Facebook user’s webcam. Then Facebook would bombard its user with ads. These ads would jump all over the screen for 10 seconds every minute. While these ads are jumping all over the screen, webcam would film the annoyance displayed on user’s face. Finally, when this is done, these videos will be posted on YouTube, to help promote advertisers’ Facebook pages.

This feature is expected to be very popular among brands seeking to gain irritated followers. Exxon Mobil and Shell Oil are two of these brands. Since the Gulf Oil Spill, Shell Oil was looking for more ways to irritate public opinion. Now the Facebook Corporation has come to its help.

It is expected that a few hundred million will leave Facebook because of this new feature. But Mark Zuckerberg apparently does not give a ‘like’, nor is he daunted by the possibility of this development. He said:

Why do you think I am doing this scam? I am going to replace these few hundred million lost users with digital slaves from Africa. Ha-ha! New dumb fucks are coming soon! Ha-ha! Oh, and by the way, I saw your naked pictures. Ha-ha!

This is not immediately clear how the people in Africa are going to react. After all, Mark Zuckerberg has shown a pattern of unethical behavior. So this is likely his words are just in jest and he is in fact looking for ways to help people all over the world, by letting advertisers annoy people in more ways.

Fox News have reported this development under the title ‘We are going to annoy you on Facebook too’. It is expected that Rupert Murdoch will film himself masturbating and post it on Facebook. This is his latest attempt to boost the stock of Fox News.

Barack Obama said that there is nothing he can do to alleviate the pain of Facebook users. However, he did mention this little fact:

I am looking forward to this Facebook feature. Mark promised to give me a cut if I say good things about it. So yeah, it’s awesome.

It is not immediately “a cut” of what Mark promised Obama. Maybe it’s just a part of cake, or maybe it’s a part of bullshit Mark Zuckerberg so freely shares with the rest of the world by masking Facebook features for advertisers as something helpful to its users.

“Long live the advertiser,” Mark Zuckerberg must have said, before scamming advertiser into paying him more than necessary. Everything is good on Facebook so far, unless you are using Facebook Trends.

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Roman Marshanski
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