Check out our hilarious collection of Funny Walmart Pictures, Stories, and Jokes. We did our best to bring you only the best. They are the best you will ever find.
A 61 year old employee, Roger Stephens, allegedly slapped a 2 year old toddler he’d never even seen before because she wouldn’t stop crying in a Walmart store in Georgia. The girl’s mother later told the local news, “That man is probably one of the worst greeters they’ve ever hired!” Check out the best of really funny Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Q: How dumb is your momma? A: So dumb, she got lost in a Wal-Mart and went around asking the smilie faces which way was out! Check out the best of Funny Kevin Hart Quotes And Jokes
Q: Why did Westley Strellis smash 29 Flat Screen TVs with an Easton baseball bat at a local Walmart in Atlanta, Georgia? A: They were playing an episode of MTVs “Jersey Shore”. Check out the best Laffy Taffy Jokes that will make you laugh
Q: Why aren’t there any Walmarts in Afghanistan? A: Because they are all Targets! Check out awesome, really funny One Liner Jokes that will make you laugh
Stealing Socks From Walmart While Naked
Most of us have desperately needed socks at one point or another. Socks are easy to misplace and develop holes from constant use and washing. Verdon Lamont Taylor, a 32-year-old man in Philadelphia, was in that situation one day. He did what a lot of us would do and headed to a local Walmart in hopes of solving his sock dilemma. However, instead of walking in and purchasing the item on his list, he decided first to get naked in the parking lot, then steal his new socks. Check out the best collection of Funny Waiter Jokes
Q: Why did Walmart abandon it’s plans to open a bank? A: CEO Lee Scott found out it’s against the law to lock illegals and cleaning staff in bank vaults after hours without paying overtime. Check out the best Banker Jokes
Q: What does Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common? A: Boy’s underwear half off! Check out some cool Michael Jackson Quotes
Wal-Mart announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China. Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read “Made Here”. Check out Funny Trucker Jokes
Wal-Mart For Wine Connoiseurs
Wal-Mart customers will soon be able to sample a Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 – $5 range.
While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, “There is a large market for cheap wine,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at R. Williams University in Bristol, R.I. “The right name is definitely important.”
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’
The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.’
‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And, now you sir?’, he asked the second man.
‘Hmmm…let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’
‘Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliche for speed.’
He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. ‘Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’
‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.’
Cream Vs. Budweiser
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Walmart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we’re making love,’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser … at half the price.’
Slipping On A Pickle In Walmart
This one time me and a friend went into Walmart at about 2am after work to get some stuff, and we barely get in through the door when I slip and fall flat on my back.
I look over thinking wtf did I just slip on? And I swear it was a pickle. A tiny pickle slice, the kind you see on sandwiches. And I somehow managed to slip and fall on it. So I’m laying there on my back, laughing my ass off at the reality that I slipped on a pickle at Walmart at 2:30 in the morning.
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