Walks Into A Bar Jokes: 37+ Best Funny To Make You Smile Away

These are the best and funniest walks into a bar jokes you’ll ever read. Some of them are long stories and some of them are short one liners. But all of them are awesome and hilarious. Plus, there’s something else awesome related to bars you’ll find if you continue reading this page.

But before I tell you the jokes and show you something else really cool, how about a really interesting fact?

Did you know that the oldest walks into a bar joke is more than three thousand years old? That joke dates back to the early Old Babylonian Empire and features a dog.

Walks Into A Bar Jokes: Only The Be...

The literal translation is: “A dog, having walked into an inn, did not see anything, (and so he said): ‘Shall I open this (door)?'” There’s more to this joke that may have been known only to the ancients. That inn may have been a bro**el and that dog may have been hoping to see people having s*x. In short, that was one h*rny dog.

A Guy Walks Into A Bar Jokes

people at the bar
  1. A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots. That guy empties them so quickly that a bartender looks suprised. As that guy finishes his final shot, the bartender asks him: “Why do you drink so fast bro?” The guy replies: “You’d be drinking fast too if you had what I had.” The bartender asks him: “What do you have?” The guy replies: “Only seventy five cents.” And then he tries to run out, screaming “Woo-hoo!”, but he trips, falls, and screams: “Oh no!”
  2. A guy walks into a bar and yells: “All lawyers are a**h*les.” The man at the end of the bar yells back: ”I object to that remark!” The guy asks him: “Are you a lawyer?” The man answers: “No, I’m an a**h*le.”
  3. A guy walks into a bar. He’s shocked to see a horse tending bar. As the horse prepares Horse’s Neck cocktail, the horse turns to the shocked guy and asks him: “What’s the matter? You can’t believe that a horse can tend bar?” The shocked guy responds: “No, I can’t believe the ferret sold the place.”
Jesus-walks-into-a-bar
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If you like these a guy walks into a bar jokes you’ve read on this page, I bet you’ll also like these really funny Russian jokes.

Walks Into A Bar One Liners

empty bar with bright lights
  1. A tennis player walks into a bar and starts serving.
  2. A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “Where did you get that pig?” The woman says: “That’s not a pig. That’s a duck.” The bartender replies: “I was talking to the duck.”
  3. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
  4. The barman says: “We don’t serve time travelers in here”. A time traveler walks into a bar.
  5. Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” The helium doesn’t react.

If you’ve enjoyed these walks into a bar one liners, I’m sure you’ll enjoy these 101 best funny one liner jokes.

Best Walks Into A Bar Jokes From Reddit

These are some of the most upvoted, really good bar jokes from Reddit. So I’m sure you’ll like them.

  1. Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.
  2. A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
  3. A man walks into a bar, passes it, and walks out a lawyer.
  4. Give a man a duck and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to duck and he’ll never walk into a bar.
  5. A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender: “What’s with the meat?” The bartender replies: “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?” The man replies: “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

Do you think these walks into a bar jokes are funny? If you think so, you’ll enjoy these hilarious yet corny jokes for adults.

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A Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes

  1. A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiled and said, “He isn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
  2. A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!” “Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little **stard. I’ll pay for everything.” The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his a**, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”

Please continue reading these funny walks into a bar jokes because there’s more hilarity below.

Man Walks Into A Bar And Pulls Out A Hamster

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you’ve never seen before?”
The bartender says, “sure, but it’d better be good.”
The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano. He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully. The bartender says, “Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer.”
The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, “hey, if I show you something else amazing that you’ve never seen before, will you give me another free beer?”
“If it’s as amazing as the hamster, sure,” the bartender replies.
So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer.
As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says “Holy **it, a singing frog! I’ll give you $200 for that frog.”
The first man says “Deal!” and sells him the frog. The bartender walks over and says, “not that it’s my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven’s sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it.”
The man says, “nah, don’t worry. The hamster’s also a ventriloquist.”

One Of The Best Leprechaun Bar Jokes Ever

A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.
“If you know what’s good for you, don’t come near me again, or I’ll rip off your little tallywagger,” yells the mean-looking guy.
After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.
“All right, I’ve got you this time. I warned you — now I’m gonna rip off your little tallywagger!”
The leprechaun laughs, “You can’t do that.”
“Why not?” asks his captor.
“Because,” giggles the leprechaun, “leprechauns don’t have tallywaggers.”
“Whadda ya mean you don’t have a tallywagger?” growls the angry man, “How in the hell do you pee?”
“Just like this,” laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.

If you like the joke you’ve just read, please check out these 15 best funny leprechaun jokes now because you’ll like them too.

A Horse Walks Into A Bar Jokes

  1. A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.
  2. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Hey!” The horse: replies “Sounds good!”
  3. A horse walks into a bar. The trainer says: “Next time, jump.”

Do you find these a horse walks into a bar jokes amusing? Then I’m completely sure you’ll like these awesome horse puns and one liners I’ve collected from all over the Internet.

The Bar Sandwich

Someone walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
“Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00″
He checks his wallet and says to the *exy bartender:
“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.
“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”
“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich.”

Best Bar Jokes

These are some of the best bar jokes you’ll ever read. So I’m sure you’ll like ’em, bro.

  1. A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food!” The panda yells back, “Hey man, I’m a panda. Look it up!” The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, “A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves.”
  2. A dwarf walks under a bar.
  3. A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says: “We don’t serve poultry.” The chicken replies: “That’s OK. I just want a drink.”
  4. A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

The Bar Story About The Old Man And The Mermaid

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy’s head is the size of a cue ball. “I got to ask, sir,” says the bartender. “What happened?” The old guy sighs and tells him, “My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s** with the mermaid.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” says the bartender. “Then what happened?”
“Well,” sighs the man, “mermaids can’t have s**, so I asked her if I could just have a little head… .”

Irishman In A Bar

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders two pints of beer. The bartender says he can only serve drinks one at a time.
The Irishman replies “See, here’s the thing. I grew up on a farm in Ireland with my brother, and every day after we were done working we’d go to the pub for a pint together. One day our father passed away and left us the farm, but it wasn’t big enough to support both of us and our families, so we decided that since I was the younger brother I’d go to America to seek my fame and fortune. However we also agreed that at the end of the day we’d go into the local pub and each have two pints, one for us and one for our brother across the pond.”
The bartender decides to go ahead and serve him the two pints. The Irishman drinks them both, pays and leaves. This goes on for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders a single pint.
The bartender brings him the pint and asks “Is your brother OK?”
The Irishman replies “Oh, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking.”

If you like the joke you’ve just read, you’ll definitely like these awesome Irish jokes.

Redheaded Man In A Bar

A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. “I’m guessing from that accent you’re from Dublin?” he asks, in an Irish brogue. “Of course!” the 1st guy exclaims, “here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too.” Their exchange continues:
1st: Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?
2nd: St. Catherine Street. And you?
1st: St. Catherine Street, same as you!
2nd: Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?
1st: St. Jospeh’s Boy’s Academy.
2nd: Son of a **tch, I went to St. Joe’s too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, “What’s up with those two?” The bartender shrugs and says, “It’s the O’Shaughnessy twins, they’re drunk again.”

Panda In A Bar

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having s**, the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda’s house. “You owe me money,” she says.
“For what?”
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, “I’m a prostitute.”
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: “Prostitute: Has s** for money.”
The panda says, “I don’t have to pay you. I’m a panda — look it up.” She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up “panda” in the dictionary. It says: “Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”

Cowboy In A Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, “TGIF!” The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, “SPIT!” The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again “TGIF!” Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, “SPIT!” This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, “Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?” and the cowboy replies, “Hell ya I know what it means, ‘Thank God It’s Friday!'” The bartender asks the Mexican guy, “Okay, so what does ‘SPIT’ mean?” and the Mexican replies, “Stupid Pendejo It’s Thursday!”

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