31 Best Halloween Jokes, including Frankenstein Jokes
Check out this hilarious collection of Halloween Jokes. It includes jokes about vampires, ghosts, and Frankenstein, not to mention the best and funniest Halloween stories from every corner of the world.
Short Halloween Jokes
1. Thanks to Halloween the cobwebs in my house are decorations.
2. Guy #1: What are you gonna be for Halloween?” Guy #2: Drunk.
3. Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A: dead ringer.
4. Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.
5. Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat? A: When you’re a mouse.
6. Q. What can’t you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.
7. Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.
8. There were these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a mug of hot water.” The bartender gives him a surprised look, “Why do you want a mug of hot water?” The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, “It’s tea time.”
9. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food? A: A guy with very high blood pressure…
10. Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A: Every night he turns into a bat.
11. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?A: Frostbite.
12. Q. Why is it a bad thing to tell a Vampire to get a life? A. Because they might decide to take yours.
13. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
14. Q: How can you tell if a ghost is angry? A: It turns red.
15. Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? A: It raises their spirits.
16. Q: What is a ghost’s favorite bird? A: A scare crow.
17. Q: Why did the ghost starch her sheet? A: She wanted everyone to be scared stiff!
18. Q: What medicine do ghosts take for colds? A: Coffin drops!
19. Q: Why did Microsoft buy Frankenstein? A: They where looking for a new mobile hardware platform.
20. Q: What happened when a vicar saw Frankenstein walking towards him? A: He made a bolt for it/
21. Q: Why did Frankenstein turn to solar? A: For the free charge.
22. Q: What did Frankenstein say to his sweetheart? A: It was love at first fright.
23. Q: What does Frankenstein’s monster call a screwdriver? A: Daddy.
24. Q: What did Frankenstein’s monster say when he was struck by lightning? A: Thanks, I needed that.
25. Q: How does Frankenstein jump start his day? A: With a shock of lighting.
Want More Funny Jokes?
Knock Knock Jokes
Little Johnny Jokes
One Liner Jokes
Funny Halloween Stories
26. Bear Tries Trick or Treat
October 31st 2007 – Sussex County, New Jersey, USA. A bear tried his version of ‘trick or treat’. Detectives discovered an abandoned van in Vernon; it contained paw prints, black bear hair, and the crucial evidence – Tootsie candy wrappers. In a television interview, cop said that the bear broke into a van because it was attracted by the Halloween candy. Cops believe the bear nudged the hand brake, causing the vehicle to roll down the street. Fortunately, the van stopped after 20 yards when it gently hit the curb.
A police lieutenant said: ‘Our patrolman followed the trail of candy wrappers into the Wawayanda woods, but the suspect got away’.
27. Trip to Walmart
It was mid-October and I was waiting for my wife, Julie, at the checkout at Walmart supermarket in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA, I noticed that someone had left behind their broom.
When no one came to claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the cashier’s desk. I spotted them getting into their truck and hurried over.
‘Excuse me,’ I said to the young woman, ‘but did you by any chance leave your broom inside?’
‘No,’ she retorted quickly and with a smile, ‘we came by truck.’
28. Halloween Accident
This didn’t actually happen to me, it happened to my aunt. She and her first husband owned a bar in downtown Richmond and were having their annual Halloween bash. My aunt was pregnant and decided to go as Miss Piggy.
One of the patrons, who was dressed as a green M & M, was sitting under a speaker which fell off the shelf and hit her in the head, gashing her head and knocking her unconscious. An ambulance was called and my aunt decided to accompany the woman to the hospital.
She walks into the emergency room and everyone did a double take as a bloodied, giant, green M & M on a stretcher rolls in followed close behind by Miss Piggy. Luckily, the woman was OK, and besides medical expenses, my aunt didn’t have to worry about paying any additional costs because the woman was a friend and didn’ t sue but it is definitely a Halloween she’ll never forget!
29. Halloween Party Story
I am a woman and went to a party as a cowboy with another couple. I was so convincing as a cowboy that someone came up and told me to leave the other girl I was with alone as she was a married woman. We laughed our heads off. Later that night at a different party I almost got kicked out because they didn’t want any rednecks. My husband had to tell them I was his wife.
30. Halloween Tale from Vienna Graveyard
Chris Cross, a tourist in Vienna, is going passed Vienna’s Zentralfriedhof graveyard on October 31st. All of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. Chris finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades Tim Burr, a friend, to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!”
31. I Met Doctor Frankenstein
(I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)
Old Man: “You’re working again?"
Me: “Yes, every day."
Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face."
Me: “What can I say, I love my job."
Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse."
Want more funny stuff?
Check out hilarious collections of:
+ Funny Sex Jokes
+ Travel Jokes and Stories
+ Best Lawyer Jokes
Related Funny Halloween Links:
1. Halloween Humor
2. Halloween One-Liners
3. Halloween Jokes
4. Joke About West Virginia Ghosts
5. Frankenstein Humor