205 Best Comebacks And Funny Insults That Will Make You Laugh

Funny Comebacks from The Simpsons

Laugh at our huge collection of best comebacks and funny insults. We did our best to bring you only the funniest insults and best comebacks. You will definitely laugh.

  1. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
  2. I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
  3. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  4.  

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  5. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
  6. You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
  7. I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you!
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  9. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.
  10. I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
  11. You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
  12.  

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  13. I was pro life before I met you.
  14. Are your parents siblings?
  15. I’m blonde, what’s your excuse?
  16. You better hope you marry rich.
  17. You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, ‘concentrate’.
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  19. Shock me, say something intelligent.
  20. You have the perfect face for radio.
  21. Two legged stool sample.
  22. Damn not you again.
  23. Nice tan, orange is my favorite color.
  24. I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was you.
  25.  

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  26. Your mom must have a really loud bark!
  27. Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
  28. You only annoy me when you’re breathing.
  29. You’re so ugly you make blind kids cry.
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  31. You’re so fat your shadow casts a shadow.
  32. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
  33. You act like your arrogance is a virtue.
  34. Nice shirt, what brand is it? Clearance?
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  36. You have enough fat to make another human.
  37. You don’t know me, you just wish you did.
  38. People like you are the reason I work out.
  39. I am not anti-social. I just don’t like you.
  40. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone
  41. Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
  42. It’s too bad stupidity isn’t painful.
  43. One more wrinkle and you’d pass for a prune.
  44. You’re so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
  45. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
  46. Your ambition outweighs your relevant skills.
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  48. Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!
  49. You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
  50. You’re the reason they invented double doors!
  51. If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
  52. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
  53. Come again when you can’t stay quite so long.
  54. I may be fat,but you’re ugly,and I can diet!!!
  55. I’m not mean. You’re just a sissy.
  56. You look like a before picture.
  57. You grow on people, like a wart!
  58. I fart to make you smell better.
  59. Yeah you’re pretty, pretty stupid.
  60. Hold on, I’ll go find you a tampon.
  61. You’re stupid because you’re blonde.
  62. 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
  63. Earth is full. Go home.
  64. You prefer three left turns to one right turn.
  65. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
  66. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
  67. You conserve toilet paper by using both sides.
  68. A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
  69. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
  70. You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
  71. You’re as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
  72. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
  73. Please tell me you don’t home-school your kids.
  74. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
  75. People like you are the reason I’m on medication.
  76. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
  77. You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat.
  78. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
  79. You’re as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
  80. Are you always an idiot, or just when I’m around?
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  82. Your brain must be made out of rocking horse shit.
  83. You’re so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag.
  84. You’re so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit.
  85. Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
  86. You’re so fat, your double chin has a double chin.
  87. Your dad’s condom is a bigger than your personality.
  88. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
  89. I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside.
  90. You are so stupid, you’d trip over a cordless phone.
  91. Cancel my subscriptions … I’m tired of your issues.
  92. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  93. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
  94. Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!
  95. I may be fat, but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
  96. Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!
  97. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!
  98. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!
  99. You’re so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
  100. I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
  101. Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts.
  102. Sorry I can’t think of an insult stupid enough for you.
  103. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.
  104. You’re so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!
  105. Even if you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid!
  106. Mirrors don’t talk but lucky for you %n they don’t laugh
  107. Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
  108. You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.
  109. You’re so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar.
  110. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
  111. You do realize makeup isn’t going to fix your stupidity?
  112. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
  113. You’re so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.
  114. You get as much action as a nine button on a microwave.
  115. You’re so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.
  116. If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.
  117. The sound of your urine hitting the urinal sounds feminine
  118. You must think you’re strong, but you only smell strong.
  119. You’re so fat, you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.
  120. You know the drill! You leave a message….and I ignore it!
  121. We all sprang from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.
  122. If your brain exploded, it wouldn’t even mess up your hair.
  123. Why don’t you go outside any play, hide and go f**k yourself
  124. What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?
  125. If a crackhead saw you, he’d think he needs to go on a diet.
  126. So you’ve changed your mind, does this one work any better?
  127. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
  128. Looks aren’t everything; in your case, they aren’t anything.
  129. If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, you’re invulnerable.
  130. When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet.
  131. You have a very sympathetic face. It has everyone’s sympathy.
  132. If your brain was made of chocolate, it wouldn’t fill an M&M.
  133. You’re so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.
  134. Don’t feel sad, don’t feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.
  135. The best part of you is still running down your old mans leg.
  136. You shouldn’t play hide and seek, no one would look for you.
  137. Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
  138. Your face is so ugly, when you cry the tears run UP your face.
  139. I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job.
  140. Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
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  142. You’re so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn’t come back.
  143. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.
  144. Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.
  145. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
  146. I need you………..I want you…………To get out of my face
  147. You’re so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
  148. Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
  149. Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.
  150. When it comes to IQ, you lose some every time you use the bathroom.
  151. When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
  152. Forget the ugly stick! you must have been born in the ugly forest!
  153. I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
  154. You’re a person of rare intelligence. It’s rare when you show any.
  155. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but that would be an improvement!
  156. I’ll never forget the first time we met, although I’ll keep trying.
  157. Don’t get insulted, but is your life devoted to spreading ignorance?
  158. Don’t piss me off today, I’m running out of places to hide to bodies
  159. If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn’t be you.
  160. If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
  161. The clothes you wear are so ugly even a scarecrow wouldn’t wear them.
  162. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.
  163. There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!
  164. At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn’t hit me in the face.
  165. Don’t let your mind wander. It’s way to small to be outside by itself!
  166. You’re so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ”taxi”.
  167. If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
  168. Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
  169. I’ve come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
  170. If I had a dollar for every brain you didn’t have, I’d have one dollar.
  171. What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?
  172. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
  173. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
  174. God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.
  175. What’s that ugly thing growing out of your neck… Oh… It’s your head…
  176. There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.
  177. Looks like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
  178. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
  179. Oh I’m sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?
  180. You’re so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks.
  181. Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
  182. FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning… Leave me alone!
  183. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  184. If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
  185. Your house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet.
  186. I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived.
  187. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
  188. I’m sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.
  189. You’re so ugly, they call you the exterminator, because you kill bugs on sight.
  190. You must have a very low opinion of people if you think they are your equals.
  191. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?
  192. If you didn’t have feet you wouldn’t wear shoes…..then why do you wear a bra??!
  193. You didn’t fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through dumb-ass forest.
  194. Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles.
  195. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you…
  196. It’s kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.
  197. You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
  198. I’m not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!!!
  199. Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why don’t you go play in traffic?!
  200. Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
  201. How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I’m away live with it.
  202. Hmm…I don’t know what your problem is…but I’m going to bet it’s really hard to pronounce…
  203. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
  204. You’re not exactly bad looking. There’s just one little problem between your ears – your face!
  205. You’re so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you!
  206. You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!
  207. Until you called me I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted somebody’s fingers to break so badly.
  208. If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there?
  209. Hey, here’s a hint. If i don’t answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?
  210. I really don’t like you but if you really must leave a message, I’ll be nice and at least pretend to care.
  211. If you’re gonna act like a dick you should wear a condom on your head so you can at least look like one.
  212. When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom! leave a message
  213. You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.
  214. You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
  215. Just wait till you can’t fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?
  216. Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don’t want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.
  217. My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you’re really strange…. I guess that means I can’t talk to you!
  218. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the ‘impression’ that you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
  219. You have your whole life to be a jerk….so why don’t you take a day off so.. leave me a message for when I get back!!!!
  220. I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls….. then I met you. Don’t bother leaving a message.
  221. Right now I’m sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
  222. Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don’t wanna be mean, but you need Listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole frigging bottle.
  223. A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*******
  224. Let’s see, I’ve walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends…Nope, this list doesn’t say that I’m required to talk to you.
  225. The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn’t really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours…

Funny Insults About Ugly Face
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Roman Marshanski

Roman Marshanski

This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on Google+ or Pinterest for more awesome content.
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