A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?"
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for."
2 Accountant Joke From A Guy In Bar
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?"
The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2? tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times."
3 Joke About Accountant And His Doctor
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night."
“Have you tried counting sheep?"
“That’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
4 Accountants Versus Bank Robbers
Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.
Some robbers take money from the tellers. Other robbers line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you."
5 Accounting Student And His Partner
An accounting student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy. The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following:
“‘Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of 1,000 dollars in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to 1,100.’
The student said. ‘ I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?’
The question is do I tell my partner.’”
6 Accounting Joke About Woman Who Had 6 Months To Live
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh my God!" said the woman. “What shall I do?"
“Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.
“Why?" asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?"
“No," replied the doctor. “But it will seem longer."
7 Four Laws Of Accounting
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
Short Accounting Jokes
8 What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again.
9 Accountants don’t die. They get derecognized.
10 It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
11 Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse.
12 What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.
13 What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!
14 Budget: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
15 What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
16 What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
17 What’s an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humor.
18 What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.
19 Why don’t old accountants die? They just lose their balance!
20 Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
21 Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures.
22 Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.
23 Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She charges an arm and a leg.
24 What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.
25 How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage.
26 What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A late night.
27 What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular
28 What do you call a group financial controller who’s lost his job? Bob.
29 How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny.
30 What music is played at a financial accountant’s funeral? The Last Post.
31 What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
32 Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Me neither.
33 What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
34 How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
35 Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
36 What’s grey on the inside and red on the outside? An accountant turned inside out.
37 An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
38 Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
39 Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
40 What’s grey, has 6 legs, 2 arms, and is twenty feet tall? An accountant riding an elephant.
41 How does an accountant trash their hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
42 Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
43 How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
44 Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
45 If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work."
46 What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.
47 Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.
48 How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
49 What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
50 Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant? The accountant is $1 million shy and hence is retiring.
51 What did the accountant say when he got a blank check? My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.
52 Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
53 Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.
54 How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
55 Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant? She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.
56 What is the definition of “accountant"? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
57 Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
58 Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant? He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.
59 There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
60 How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold a road map the wrong way.
61 Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn’t budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.
62 What do you call an accountant who says he’s posted a one-sided journal? A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can’t happen! Can it??!!
63 What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait…
64 How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
65 How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? How much money do you have?
66 What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
67 What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions, and charges their time to the relatives.
68 What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form? The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.
69 What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
70 Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
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