20 Funny Nerd Jokes
Laugh at 20 really funny nerd jokes. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes for nerds.
1 Helium In A Bar
Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” The helium doesn’t react.
2 Two Talking Atoms
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron."
“Are you sure?"
“Yes, I’m positive."
3 Nerdy Joke About Time Travel
A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?"
“When do we want it?"
4 Question Only A Nerd Can Answer
There are two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
5 Descartes In A Bar
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a drink. Descartes says “I think not" and disappears.
6 Microsoft Engineers Change A Light Bulb
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just change the standard to darkness.
7 Karl Marx And The Tea He Disliked
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
8 This Is What You Didn’t Know About Protons
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
9 Funny Nerd Joke About Sick Chemist
Have you heard about the sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.
10 This Is What Nerd Thinks About The Moon
How do you know the moon is going broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
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11 Three Logicians In A Bar
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician says, “I don’t know."
The second logician says, “I don’t know."
The third logician says, “Yes."
12 Neutron In A Bar
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies: “For you, no charge".
13 Educated Tube
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
14 Three Great Men Play Hide And Seek
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10, then opens them.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says: “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!”
15 The Name Any Nerd Should Know
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
16 Mathematicians In A Bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first asks for a beer. The second asks for half a beer. The third asks for a quarter beer. The fourth begins to order an eighth of a beer but the bartender cuts him off:
“You’re all idiots.”
He pours two beers and goes to help other customers.
17 Roman In A Bar
Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“Don’t you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one."
18 Nerd About Inertia
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
19 Theoretical Physicists Change A Light Bulb
How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to hold the light bulb and one to rotate the universe.
20 Computer Nerd Jokes About Software Engineer
A wife asks her husband, who is a software engineer: “Could you please go shopping for me and buy 1 carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get 6!”
The husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him: “Why the heck did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He replies: “They had eggs.”
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Related Links You May Enjoy:
1. Pinterest: Nerd Jokes
2. IFLScience: 10 Science Jokes for Nerds
3. LaffGaff: Hilarious Jokes For Nerds Only
4. Reddit: Your Favorite Nerdy Joke