Norm Macdonald Jokes: 19 Best, Some That Got Him Fired But You’ll Love
Enjoy the best Norm Macdonald jokes, discover amazing feel-good stories about him, and more. All that is here for you. See all that now.
Did you know that the first performance of this Canadian stand-up comedian went so badly he bolted out saying he would never do it again?
That first performance happened in one of the stand-up clubs in Ottawa long before he came to the USA. He didn’t let it discourage him though. He kept at it and his comedy craft got much better, or maybe it was very good to start with, but people just didn’t get it back then.
Either way, his jokes made him a writer and cast member on Saturday Night Live (SNL). The show featured him for a total of five seasons. And these days, after this death, he’s so famous many thousands of people are Googling him and his hilarious jokes every single month.
The story that began with a disastrous performance ended very well for Norm. But that’s just one of two unbelievably feel-good stories that happened in the life of this amazing comedian. Plus, there’s a shocking fact from his later life he revealed in an interview.
Please continue reading this page because you’ll find a second feel-good story and many awesome jokes. You’ll also hear that shocking fact. And if after finishing this page you agree that it represents the best of Norm Macdonald, please share it.
Table Of Contents
7 Norm Macdonald Jokes
- “Comedy is surprises. So if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.”
- “What are odds that a terrorist will attack and kill you? Almost zero. But what are the odds that you will be attacked and killed by your own heart? About 100 percent.”
- “I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It’s very embarrassing right after s**. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.”
- “People know I go to Las Vegas a lot and they always ask if I saw the white tigers at the Mirage. I say, ‘Only if they were sitting at the Let It Ride table.’”
- “I saw this one – it was for cat food – at the end of it, it says, ‘All natural food for your cat.’ All natural food? But cat food’s made out of horse meat. Yeah, that’s the way it works in nature: the cat, right above the horse in the food chain.”
- “Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it’s inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know?” If you like this joke by Norm Macdonald, it’s very likely you’ll also like these political jokes, bro.
- “It’s a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you’re good at it, then they go, ‘How would you like to be a horrible actor?’ Then you say, All right, that sounds good. I’ll do that.”
If you think these Norm Macdonald jokes are funny, I bet you’ll like these 55 best Mitch Hedberg jokes and quotes because they’re somewhat similar and definitely awesome.
7 Best Norm Macdonald One Liners
- “ID is a strange abbreviation. I is short for I, and D is short for dentification.”
- “You can’t love your team without hating another team.”
- “They’re like ‘You’re an alcoholic.’ I go ‘No, I’m not.’ and then-apparently that’s what alcoholics say too, you know?”
- “Dali Lama said that killing for religion is unthinkable. Thanks a lot, Dali Lama. Nobody ever listens to the Dali Lama.” If you want more awesome jokes about religion, please have a look at these religious jokes now.
- When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren’t in very good shape.
- “I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.”
- “I don’t care for s**. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.”
If you like these Norm Macdonald one liners, please check out these really funny one liner jokes because you’ll love them.
The Best Norm Macdonald Joke Ever
I think that the joke below is the best one said by this Canadian stand-up comedian. It’s also definitely the best one of his gay jokes.
“They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me, because I’m afraid of dogs.”
If you want more best Norm Macdonald jokes like the one you’ve just read, please watch the video below now.
5 Best Norm Macdonald Quotes
- If you’re watching a comedian on television and he’s making a political point, I would say he’s gotten too serious.
- I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.
- In theaters, you’re kind of disconnected. Also, it’s way too big for the likes of me. Unless you’re Robin Williams or someone that can fill a stage with movement and energy, it just looks like a small man on a big stage. Talking about Robin Williams, why don’t you check out the best Robin Williams jokes?
- I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it’s very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I’m not a great actor, so if the material isn’t good, I’m in torment while I do it.
- I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That’s what I’ve always loved the most, of anything.
More Than 3 Best Norm Macdonald OJ Simpson Jokes From SNL
You probably remember the name “Nicole Brown Simpson” and the double-murder trial that ended with the acquittal verdict. Well, these jokes show Macdonald’s capacity to rise above the ghastly. They also show his amazing talent. But before getting into them, how about the second feel-good story I promised you in the beginning?
An NBC executive fired him from Saturday Night Live likely for these jokes you’re about to read. That executive, Don Ohlmeyer, was a friend of O.J. Simpson.
However, people criticized Don Ohlmeyer for that decision. Eventually, Norm Macdonald returned to Saturday Night Live as the host. The great comedian got back the job he lost.
I hope you liked the story you’ve just read. If you do, please share this page now and then enjoy the jokes.
1. “Well, it’s official: murder is now legal in the state of California.”
2. “After grisly photos of the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson were shown in court, O.J. turned his head away and wept. It was at that moment that he realized he would never be able to kill her again.”
3. These are some of the best Norm Macdonald OJ Simpson jokes, all in one video.
The Moth Joke
“A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”
Interesting Norm Macdonald Interview
Twitter Talk: 3 Best Tweets About This Comedian
The tweets below have the most hilarious videos with this comedian.
1. These are Norm Macdonald jokes from Comedy Central’s Roast of Bob Saget.
2. This is a very dark joke you’ll nevertheless like because it’s so caustically funny.
3. This is a funny video with Norm Macdonald on Late Night with Conan O’Brien.
If you like Norm Macdonald jokes you’ve read and heard on this page, please share this page with your social media friends now.
- 11+ Best Father Of The Bride Toasts You Need To Know & More - January 20, 2023
- 11+ Best Man Toasts & More Wedding Tips You Need To Know - January 20, 2023
- 25+ Irish Toasts You Need To Know - January 20, 2023