25 Funny Pirate Jokes And Puns
Laugh at 25 really funny pirate jokes and puns. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about pirates.
Short Pirate Jokes
1. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg.
2. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky.
3. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck.
4. What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell overboard in the Red Sea? He got marooned.
5. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.” The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.”
6. How can you tell a pirate has fallen for modern technology? It’s the iPatch that gives it away.
7. Have you ever heard any dirty pirate jokes for kids? Well, neither have aye.
8. Most veteran pirates can only think about sailing the seas again. They’ve got ship for brains.
9. What would a pirate wear for his Halloween costume? A pumpkin patch.
10. What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates? The Steady Relationship.
Best Pirate Puns
10. To err is human. To arr is seriously pirate.
11. It always struck me as odd that the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD had a piracy warning.
12. How do you make a pirate very angry? You take away the “p”.
13. Why did the pirate cross the road? To reach the second hand shop.
14. Steve: “I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.” Pete: “Really? I wonder what he called his hook.”
15. In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap with him at all times. You know, to wash him ashore.
16. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? A bird that will talk your head off.
17. Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read? Because they spend months and months at C.
Please be cool and share these awesome pirate puns with your social circles, and we would love you like a really drunk pirate.
18. How did Captain Hook died? Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.
19. Why is it impossible to take a picture of a pirate with an iron hook? Seriously? Have you ever tried taking a picture with an iron hook?!
20. What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A beginner.
21. A Pirate Gets His Wish Granted
A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle.
While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into rum!”
The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: “Now you’ve done it! Now we’re gonna have to pee in the boat.”
22. Pirate’s Parrot
A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave.
Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.
When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer for five minutes.
When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the turkey do?"
23. The Captain In Brown Pants
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”.
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.
The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”.
The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”.
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!!
24. The Place Where Pirate Ate
Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast? IHOP.
25. A Pirate And A Seaman Talk About Their Adventures
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. They talk about their adventures on the sea.
The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”
The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”?
“Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”?
“A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with the hook.”
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Related Links You May Enjoy:
1. Short-Funny.com: Top 50 Pirate Jokes and Puns
2. Jokes4us.com: Captain Jokes
3. Reddit: Pirate Jokes