Beyond iPhone: Apple’s New Phone BendGate iBend


You may have heard of a recent controversy surrounding bending of iPhone 6 Plus. You may have also heard that Apple responded by saying that it is ‘extremely rare’.

What you haven’t heard is the secret memorandum Apple has disclosed to no one but only its select few employees. According to this memorandum, iPhone 6 Plus is supposed to bend. Shockingly enough, it is a test if people would like to see a new kind of smartphone called BendGate iBend.

This totally new phone would be different from anything you have seen. It would have a technology no other company would be able to imitate. It would also come with a money back guarantee. This secret technology would make the phone bend whenever Apple wants it to.

It is not clear why Apply wants its phone to bend. But some claim that people got lazy and just want something new. Apple, on other hand, is taking a initiative and making phones with larger and larger screens. But they say that sooner or later their customers would finally realize that the only difference is that the size got a little bigger.

But don’t my words for granted. This information has been conveyed by a secret employee of Apple. His code name is “Google spy”. This said, he denied connection to Google.

This Google spy said he is more like Edward Snowden gone completely Apple. It is not immediately clear whether Edward Snowden has used iPhone 6 Plus. But if he did, we are sure he was able to bend it. That’s pretty much the only thing they teach at NSA: how to use technology to mess something up.

Apple has apparently learnt something from NSA. Now it doesn’t simply create technology. Now it creates technology that messes something up. One Apple fanboy has already called it “the best invention ever”.

BendGate iBend is indeed a far cry from the so-called “bendgate” controversy. It doesn’t simply bend. It bends all the smartphones in the vicinity of 10 miles.This super cool new technology is called “iHate Android”. The hatred Apple users feel towards Android users is channeled into BendGate iBend. After it has received the energy, it gets very angry.

This anger boils up and the phone destroys every Android it sees. No comments have been made whether this is illegal or not. But when it launches, Apple is planning to make the biggest political donation ever. No sum has been disclosed even to that Google spy. But ironically enough it’s planned to be bigger than all the money Google has ever donated.

Besides this donation, Apple is also planning to give away BendGate iBends to all the Congressmen. This way they plan to destory any Android phones Google lobbyists may be carying. So long for the free world. Bendgate iBend will take over the world.

Indeed, there is a real possibility that BendGate iBend will be a phone to fulfill the legacy of Terminator. Republicans are definitely of that opinion.

Republican Congressmen have stated that they are very excited about BendGate iBend. They were so excited that they issued the following statement:

We, Republicans, are war hawks. We like to destroy anything that we see, regardless of whether it is good or bad. So we’re looking forward to destroying all the Democrats’ Androids that we may see.

When asked how it helps to resolve America’s problems, they said the journalist was clearly a spy from Democrats. They said that no real Congressman cares about America’s problems. It certainly shows in their behavior.

Shortly after Republicans’ statement, Apple issued a statement saying it does not approve of any wars. When asked if their statement had anything to do with the destructive behavior of Republican Congressmen, they replied:

“What do you think? We donated more dollar bills to these annoying bastards than anybody else.”

Republicans said they weren’t offended to be called “annoying bastards”. Apparently they know they are. Seriously speaking, they said they love their corporate sponsors no matter what. They also said that BendGate iBend increased their hatred for common people and so they feel very grateful to Apple’s executives. Some of them also hinted they want to become board members.

We’re not surprised Republicans took to this new phone. It has aggressive advertising has likely appealed to their war hawk tendencies:

BendGate iBend. Buy iBend or get bent.

Not only Republicans like Bendgate iBend though. Celebrities have also jumped on the bandwagon. David Beckham is one of them. He liked it so much that he agreed to advertise it completely for free:

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Roman Marshanski
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