Election Day News: Mud-Slinging Has Won By A Landslide
You may have heard that Republicans like to engage in mud-slinging. What you haven’t heard is that mud-slinging has won in every state. Even some of the Democrats who engaged in it have won.
Observers are calling November 4th, 2014, the new mud-slinging day of the century. It has shown that mud-slinging is indeed the way to go. Now every politician will engage in mud-slinging even more than before. That’s because the results overwhelmingly support the practice.
All the candidates who have engaged in mud-slinging have won. Moreover, all of them attribute their victories to nothing more than negative TV ads their buddies have paid for. They say, through their anonymous organization called “Mud-Slinging Bastards Unite”:
“We engaged in mud-slinging more than ever before. It felt so good we felt like we stole some money. So immediately after we won we started rolling in dirt and throwing it at the statue of Barack Obama.”
It is not immediately clear where exactly they were throwing dirt at Obama. Obama does not have any statues erected in his honor. However, it is likely they have erected a bronze statue of Obama just to throw mud at it.
Regardless of whether Republicans have erected statue to Obama or not, one thing is clear: mud-slinging will become an even bigger factor in elections to come.
Fox News have reported this development under the title “Freedom of Choice and Positive Feeling Win The Election”. It is not immediately clear what exactly Fox News were referring to, especially considering that they have interviewed all the Republicans who were slinging mud at each other.
We think mud-slinging can save the world, and today it has saved the nation of United States of America. Mud-slinging there you go, the wonderful thing to keep us all apart!