43 River Puns & Jokes
These are the best funny river puns and jokes you’ll find. LOL with ’em now or regret missing ’em forever.
If you post photos to Instagram or some other social media app, you can use our hilarious puns as captions. They will serve as great additions to your gorgeous river photos. So your followers will sure love ’em. Keep on reading this page and you’ll find an example of what we’re suggesting you to create: gorgeous photo with a pun.
Table Of Contents
The Editor’s Favorite River Joke
A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a Buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank: “How do I get to the other side?!” The Buddhist monk shouts back: “You’re on the other side!”
15 River Puns
- What’s the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
- Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they’re ex-stream.
- I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
- Why didn’t the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
- If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it’s capsized.
- So there’s an Amazon River now? What’s next? Lake Facebook? Mount Paypal? What was the river’s name before Amazon bought the naming rights to the river?
- I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
- My friend in New Jersey posted about the rain causing floods of biblical proportions. His Instagram picture was the first response.
- I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I’m in Seine.
- Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
- Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds. Share this river pun with a gorgeous photo to Pinterest.
- You have to act quickly during a flood because it’s an emergent sea.
- Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl? If it was a guy it would be the Misterssippi River.
- Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session? Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
- Why do rivers subscribe to Netflix? They love streaming.
If you like these river puns, you’ll also like these hilarious water puns.
11 River Jokes
- Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
- When river fish need cash, they go to the nearest bank.
- Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
- Two kids found a magical slide. The sign next to it said: “What you wish for while sliding down comes true”. The first kid slid down, wishing for a river of chocolate. He ended up swimming in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and screamed: “Weeeeeeee”! It’s good to read signs once in a while.
- One brick falls off the plane. Meanwhile, the lion is having a birthday party. All the animals are attending it. Sally wants to cross a river, but she heard that it’s infested with alligators. The only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely because all the alligators are at the birthday party. She dies anyway because she gets hit in the head by a flying brick. Happy end because Sally was a cannibal.
- What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
- Why didn’t beavers send any wood down the river? Because they didn’t give a dam.
- I was gonna make a river joke, but I don’t think it’s current.
- Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
- What’s another name for a noisy body of water? A creek.
- I once saw a pirate flood a tavern. Let that sink inn.
If you want more funny stuff like these river jokes, check out these awesome Mitch Hedberg jokes.
10 Best Dam Puns
- I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
- Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: “Dam”.
- Whistleblower revealed that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam. FBI is still looking for the leak.
- What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded? Dam.
- Why did the great flood happen? God didn’t dam it.
- What do you call a country that will always have the most dams? An eternal dam nation. Dam pun intended.
- I heard the Hoover Dam is cutting back on janitors due to budget cuts. It’s a dam dirty shame.
- Most people know that after swimming into a wall the fish said “Dam.” But what did the dam say? Dumb bass.
- What did the priest say at the flooding river? God, dam it.
- When we were at the Hoover Dam, I got hungry. I asked my parents: “Where’s the dam snack bar?”
5 River Puns From Reddit
- How’s a rose like a river? They’re both flowers.
- What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can’t tide.
- Why was the River arrested? Illegal streaming.
- Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
- Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn’t stop.
If you’ve enjoyed these five puns from Reddit users and are a Redditor yourself, please share this page to one of the funny subreddits.
5 Best Fountain Puns
- I bought a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words as well.
- Some kids think water fountains are boring, while others just go with the flow.
- After years of searching, I finally discovered the Fountain of Doubt. I’m not sure if it works or not.
- What’s a fountain pen enthusiast’s favorite newspaper? The New York Tines.
- Fountain of Youth jokes never gets old.
A preacher is drowning in a river, unable to reach the artificial river tubing protruding from the side of a river. A yacht passes by and someone at the yacht offers to save him. The preacher replies: “I don’t need your help. God will save me.” A few hours later, a fishing boat comes along and one of the fishermen offers help. Once again, the preacher refuses help. Eventually, the preacher drowns and dies. In heaven, the preacher meets God and asks him: “Why didn’t you save me?” God replies: “I’ve sent two boats to save you.”
2 Best Rafting Jokes
- That’s the Captain. No reason to panic. If you look out of the window, you’ll see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I’m talking to you from there. The airplane is about to crash. So like I said, no reason to panic.
- What’s the difference between a rafting guide and a mutual fund? A mutual fund eventually matures and starts making money.
3 Best Nile River Jokes
- When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told? When they’re in the Nile.
- Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile. The Juveniles.
- Two Egyptians walk into a bar.
“Where’s your third friend?” Asks the bartender.
“He’s gone to drink his sorrows down in the river.” They replied.
“Oh no, is he depressed?”
“No, he’s in De Nile.”