Broccoli Jokes & Puns: 19 Best To Make You Smile Away

Check out this awesome collection of funny broccoli jokes. They’ll make you smile away. I think so because they’re the best.

One of these broccoli one liners is from Reddit. Other broccoli puns on this page are from other sources. Some of them are corny, but none of them are dirty. All of them are clean and perfect both for kids and adults. And all of these vegetable jokes about broccoli are awesome. Plus, this page has a funny video with a famous actor. In short, you’ve come to the right place for broccoli humor. Broccoli has never been funnier than here on

The Editor’s Favorite Broccoli Joke

A young lady steps into the elevator with an old lady. The young lady smells like perfume. She turns to an old lady and says: “Giorgio Armani, $100 an ounce.”

Another young lady steps into the elevator with an old lady. She turns to the old lady and says: “Dolce Gabbane, $150 dollars an ounce.”

About three floors later, the old lady is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, farts, and says: “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”

9 Broccoli Puns

Broccoli Floret

I did my best to bring you only the best puns. So I’m sure you’ll like these funny broccoli puns. I think you’ll like them even if you feel zero love toward broccoli. If you like them, please share this page on social media.

  1. What do you call a scary movie about vegetables? The Broccoli Horror Picture Show.
  2. Where did the broccoli go to have a few drinks? The salad bar.
  3. Broccoli looks into the trunk of his car. He sees an extra tire and exclaims: “Oh! I have a-spar-a-gus!”
  4. What kind of socks do you need to plant broccoli? Garden hose. If you like this broccoli pun, you’ll also like these garden puns.
  5. What do you get when you cross broccoli and a vampire? Count Broccula.
  6. Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother? His name was Brocco Lee.
  7. If Brocco Lee and Bruce Lee’s ghost got into a fight who’d win? The guy who ate more broccoli.
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? My name’s Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly.
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Mister Broc Li who ate some broccoli.

Harrison Ford Broccoli Jokes Video

Please watch this video right now because Harrison Ford tells a great joke.

Broccoli And Friends

Broccoli was talking with his closest friends. They talked about how each other looked.

The broccoli said: “I look like a tree.”
The mushroom said: “I look like an umbrella.”
The walnut said: “I look like a brain.”
The banana said: “Let’s change the subject.”

One Of The Broccoli Jokes About Cauliflower

The guy asked his doctor: “How bad my breath is?” The doctor replied: “So bad you turned my cauliflower over there into broccoli.” If you like this broccoli joke, you’ll also like these medical jokes.

Broccoli Jokes From The Doctor’s Office

An elderly man comes to the doctor’s office and says he’s feeling bad.

The doctor notices he has a carrot sticking out of his nose and broccoli sticking out of his ears.

The doctor says: “I know what’s wrong with you, man. You’re not eating properly.”

4 Funny Broccoli Quotes

The broccoli quotes below have been said by various celebrities. Some of them are comedians. So some of the quotes below are pretty funny broccoli jokes, while other quotes are so weird that they seem funny.

  1. “President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing. Jay Leno.” If you’ve enjoyed this funny broccoli quote by Jay Leno, you’ll also enjoy these presidential jokes.
  2. “I can’t even tolerate my own playing on electric keyboards. It’s not about the musical ideas. The sound itself is toxic. It’s like eating plastic broccoli.” Keith Jarrett.
  3. “Researchers in the U.K. have developed a vegetable called ‘super broccoli’ designed to fight heart disease. Not to be outdone, researchers in America have developed a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo.” Jimmy Fallon. If you like this quote by Jimmy Fallon, you’ll also like this collection of best Jimmy Fallon quotes.
  4. “Listen to your broccoli and it will tell you how to eat it.” Anne Lamott.

If you like these funny broccoli quotes you’ve just read, you’ll also like these 120 best funny pick up lines.

The Best 2 Jokes From Edinburgh Festival Fringe

These jokes come from the the world’s largest arts festival called Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

The first joke has nothing to do with broccoli. But I think it’s funny enough to be retold anyway. The judges at that festival agree with my opinion. That joke was number two at the above-mentioned festival.

1) “Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.” Richard Stott.

The second joke below is about broccoli. Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel came up with it. That joke below has won him Dave’s “Funniest Joke of The Fringe” award in 2019.

2) “I keep randomly shouting out broccoli and cauliflower. I think I might have florets”. Olaf Falafel.

Funny Broccoli Joke About Florets
If you like this joke, please share it to Pinterest right now.

If you like the broccoli jokes you’ve read on this page, you’ll also like these awesome cactus puns.

Related Links

  3. Reddit
  4. Joko Jokes
  5. BBC
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