1. A waiter asked his two customers: “Red or white?” The first said: “I’ll have red.” The second said: “Me too. And make sure the glass is clean.” A few minutes later, the waiter came back with the drinks and said: “Two red wines. Which one asked for the clean glass?”
2. Disgusting food. Terrible service. Drunk waiters. My uncle’s hotel welcomes you.
3. Why was the waiter so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 9 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
4. Two girls: “A tray of sushi, please.” Waiter: “To eat or to post photos of on Instagram?
5. What do you call an Arizona State grad with a bottle of champagne? A waiter.
6. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
7. Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant? Darth Waiter.
8. In Hollywood, every waiter is a successful actor, every bartender is a famous film producer, and the vast majority of homeless people are less fortunate relatives of Steven Spielberg.
9. What did the waiter say to the horse? I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.
10. You don’t know the definition of heartbreak until you see the waiter coming to your table with food, but then take a sharp turn to a different table.
11. I have never been in love….. But I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
12. “Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Don’t worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get ’em.”
13. Atheist: “What’s this fly doing in my soup?” Waiter: “Praying.” Atheist: “Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.” Waiter: “You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.”
14. “Waiter, there is a dead fly swimming in my soup!” “Don’t be silly, dead flies can’t swim!”
15. “Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!” “Its OK, sir, there’s no extra charge!”
16. “Waitress, there is a caterpillar in my salad!” “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realise you where a vegetarian!”
17. Waiters at a small restaurant in a strip mall were dismayed when a brand new corporate chain opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read TGIF FRIDAYS. They were horrified when another corporate chain opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading RUBYTUESDAYS. The waiters at the small restaurant panicked, until they got an idea. They put up the biggest sign of all over their restaurant it read… MAINENTRANCE.
18. “Waiter, there is a fly in the butter!” “Yes sir, it’s a butterfly!”
19. “Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!” “Sorry sir, maybe I forgot about it when I removed the other three.”
20. A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.”Why?” asks the confused waiteress, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. “I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.” The waiteress turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”
Roman Marshanski is the founder of Humoropedia.com and former Hollywood actor. You can Google his name to see the list of his movies (or you can click on his name above this box to visit his personal website). He wrote thousands of pages of fiction. Some of that fictional writing is screenplays and a lot of it is comedic writing. So he completed two feature film screenplays and many shorter literary works, some of which are comedy. He did most of that writing during his film career as a Hollywood actor. He was the lead actor in Rebecca Cremona's Magdalena. Rebecca Cremona was Steven Spielberg's protege on Munich. So he has a deep understanding of the creative process and can be considered an authority on all things related to humor. Indeed, his screenplays contain a lot of humor. That's where his love for jokes started. Eventually, this love of jokes led Roman to the creation of Humoropedia.com, the wonderful home of funny jokes and witty puns. He thinks humor is something very good. If you also think so, please follow him on X now because he has a sense of humor.
