Hollywood Jokes

What Hollywood Does: Turns Novels Into Shit

If you are angry stupid executive – oops. we meant studio, not stupid…


What is Hollywood?

Hollywood is the city where you can spend your whole life making one movie.


How the people in Hollywood are like?

In Hollywood, every waiter is a successful actor, every bartender is a famous film producer, and the vast majority of homeless people are less fortunate relatives of Steven Spielberg.


Hollywood Jargon

“I met a Hollywood Heavyweight”: I got beat up by a Hollywood bum who is morbidly obese.
“We had meeting with Steven Spielberg”: The bodyguards of Steven Spielberg threw us out of his office.
“Arnold Schwarzenegger is attached”: We were able to film Arnold Schwarzenegger, while running away from him.
“We are making an 80$ million dollar movie”: We want to make an 80$ million dollar movie, but so far we have collected only 45 cents.
“We had a lot of interest”: We showed our script to everyone we could, but nobody showed any interest.
“Leonardo Di Caprio has shown an interest in our project”: Leonardo Di Caprio thinks our project is a piece of shit.
“My brother got a big part”: My brother got the part of a big guy in the *ucking Supersluts 3.
“I dated that actress before she hit it big”: I stared at her breasts but could never ask her out.
“I will read your script”: I will read your script in five years, if you are still alive.
“I went to prestigious film school”: I am depressed I spent so much money.


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Roman Marshanski
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