This Is The Reason North Korea Is The World’s Best Country


We, generally speaking, write news that are either satirical or funny but true. These news straddle both of these categories. They are both satirical, funny, and true, not to mention weird. Yes, indeed, they are so weird you would think someone made them up and passed them for reality.

The guy who made them up is indeed weird. Otherwise these news wouldn’t be that interesting. The person who made them up is the very subject of these news, however. So it should come as no surprise that they are very favorable to him.

The latest report from North Korea states that this country has the best human rights record in the world. You may have guessed who authored it. But I say we believe it and send North Korea’s leader our sincere congratulations.

You may think I’m being sarcastic when I say we should send his highness, the North Korea’s leader, the savior of the world, our sincere congratulations. But really, I’m not being sarcastic.

If you ever read about his father, you would know that falsifying a paper is something he could never think of. Instead, he could not stop claiming he was “the best golfer in the world”. Hell, no, I didn’t make that up. It’s way too ridicuous to be made up.

Likewise, we should congratulate North Korea’s leader on being a plausible liar (when compared with his father). Not everyone can do that. His father couldn’t, and he can. Evolution is definitely going well in North Korea.

If you think claiming to be the best golfer in the world is ridiculous, you’re in for a big surprise. His father claimed even more ridiculous things, retarded things like the following:

1. “At the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared.”

2. “He is a fashion trendsetter“.

3. “School-children are taught that he never defecates”.

So I when I say that North Korea’s leader can be a plausible liar and deserves to be recognized in a positive way for that, I’m damn right. He definitely has come a long way from his father. This is especially true when you consider the actual news of this event, as reported by Vice News:

North Koreans enjoy the best human rights regime of any country, according to a 53,000-word report issued this month by authorities in the Hermit Kingdom.

The roughly translated document, posted on Saturday on a government-controlled website — under a photograph of desperately happy children — attempts to rebut an extensive UN human rights inquiry earlier this year that found the country’s leadership responsible for “unspeakable atrocities” including murder, enslavement, rape and summary imprisonment committed against its citizens….

The document’s authors did allow that “due to limited space and lack of ability of the writers, some information in the Report might not have adequate bases.”

See? The report made up by his son actually makes sense, and it’s authors were somewhat humble. They practically admitted to lying. And admitting lying is the liar’s first step to recovery.

This report is of course a lie, but at least there was an effort to make it plausible. So it it is probably true that North Korea is becoming the world’s best country. They are only a few light thousand years away from it, but in context of North Korea’s lies, that’s less than a second.


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Roman Marshanski
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