You wanna get Capone? Here’s how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way. And that’s how you get Capone!”
No thinking – that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is… to write, not to think!
There’s a lot of fantasy about what Scotland is, and the shortbread tins and that sort of thing.
I’m an actor – it’s not brain surgery. If I do my job right, people won’t ask for their money back.
Everyone talks about how they knew the Bond films were going to be a success, but it simply isn’t true.
When you hear someone from the very north of Scotland speaking, I think its nice, very musical and harmonious.
I left Scotland when I was 16 because I had no qualifications for anything but the Navy, having left school at 13.
Check out 20 Really Funny Scottish Jokes that will make you laugh
I’ve always been hopeful about Scotland’s prospects. And I now believe more than ever that Scotland is within touching distance of achieving independence and equality.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with a system where there’s been 17 years of a Tory Government and the people of Scotland have voted Socialist for 17 years. That hardly seems democratic.
Everything I have done or attempted to do for Scotland has always been for her benefit, never my own and I defy anyone to prove otherwise.
I’m an easy target because of my political opinions.
I am not a politician and I have no intention of being one.
I’ve never kept a record of anything.
I never trashed a hotel room or did drugs.
There’s always a new challenge to keep you motivated.
I like women. I don’t understand them, but I like them.
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots.
Check out our awesome collection of Really Funny Irish Jokes
I have always hated that damn James Bond. I’d like to kill him.
There is nothing like a challenge to bring out the best in man.
I just think the most difficult thing to displace is privilege.
To cultivate an English accent is already a departure away from what you are.
Your background and environment is with you for life. No question about that.
It would almost need a Mafia-like offer I couldn’t refuse to do another movie.
Perhaps I’m not a good actor, but I would be even worse at doing anything else.
I still pay full tax when I work in England and the same when I work in America.
Scotland should be nothing less than equal with all the other nations of the world.
If America had been discovered as many times as I have, no one would remember Columbus.
There’s one major difference between James Bond and me. He is able to sort out problems!
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
Only 4 percent of all the companies owned in Scotland have their head offices in Scotland.
If anything could have pulled me out of retirement, it would have been an Indiana Jones film.
I don’t think I’ll ever act again. I have so many wonderful memories, but those days are over.
I unfortunately don’t speak French, but my wife is now fluent in English, which really reflects rather badly on me.
I admit I’m being paid well, but it’s no more than I deserve. After all, I’ve been screwed more times than a hooker.
Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith. For without fear of the devil there is no need for God.
The knighthood I received was a fantastic honour but it’s not something I’ve ever used and I don’t think I ever will.
I don’t understand if you get caught in a fight, but take it out on a room, how that implies some psychiatric disorder.
There are women who take it to the wire. That’s what they are looking for, the ultimate confrontation. They want a smack.
I’m swimming every day and I’m even trying to get the golf swing working again – but that might take a little bit longer.
I haven’t found anywhere in the world where I want to be all the time. The best of my life is the moving. I look forward to going.
I’m fed up with the idiots… the ever-widening gap between people who know how to make movies and the people who green-light the movies.
I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong in hitting a woman, though I don’t recommend you do it the same way that you hit a man.
You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I’d rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament.
I have no shortage of material or offers, it’s just a case of what you select to do. But I think it’s realistic that my chances of playing Romeo are now over.
I care about Bond and what happens to him. You cannot be connected with a character for this long and not have an interest. All the Bond films had their good points.
I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn’t speak English and I couldn’t speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations – that’s why we got married really quickly.
Roman Marshanski is the founder of Humoropedia.com and former Hollywood actor. You can Google his name to see the list of his movies (or you can click on his name above this box to visit his personal website). He wrote thousands of pages of fiction. Some of that fictional writing is screenplays and a lot of it is comedic writing. So he completed two feature film screenplays and many shorter literary works, some of which are comedy. He did most of that writing during his film career as a Hollywood actor. He was the lead actor in Rebecca Cremona's Magdalena. Rebecca Cremona was Steven Spielberg's protege on Munich. So he has a deep understanding of the creative process and can be considered an authority on all things related to humor. Indeed, his screenplays contain a lot of humor. That's where his love for jokes started. Eventually, this love of jokes led Roman to the creation of Humoropedia.com, the wonderful home of funny jokes and witty puns. He thinks humor is something very good. If you also think so, please follow him on X now because he has a sense of humor.
