A Real Conversation With a Customer Behind a Pizza Counter


This is a funny conversation about annoying pizza customer submitted to us by Adam Sharp.

“Hello, welcome, how can I…”

“What kind do you have?”

“What kind of what? Breadsticks, pizza, or…”


“Well, right now, we have four round pepperoni pizzas, two breadsticks, and two lunch specials. We don’t keep much ready this early.”

“Do you have a Pretzel Pizza ready?”

“No, we don’t keep them ready this early.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll just take a cheese bread.”

“I’m sorry but we don’t keep them up before four.”

“Fine, whatever, do you have a square pizza?”

“Sorry again, but that isn’t ready either.”

“So, you don’t have anything ready?”

“Well, we have four round pepperoni pizzas, two breadsticks, and two lunch specials.”

“I guess I’ll take three breadsticks and a pop.”

“Three breadsticks will take about eight minutes.”

“Do you have breadsticks ready or not?”

“We have two orders ready.”

“Gosh, I’ll just take those two, I guess. And I will have a lunch thingy. Are those lunchie deals even ready?”

“Yes, the lunch special is ready.”

“Just give me those.”

“Sounds good, your total is going to be ten seventy.”

“Why so much?”

“Well, the breadsticks are two fifty and the lunch special is five ten, plus tax.”

“Yeah, that adds up to ten ten.”

“After tax it is ten seventy.”

“I didn’t think there was tax.”

“There’s tax on all prepared food.”

“I know the law, I am a lawyer and I graduated from Stanford. I’m just a pizza employee.”

“That’s cool.”

“Here.” He sets the money on the counter, beside an outstretched hand.

‘Thank you,” the counter person places the change into the customer’s hand. “Would you like any napkins?”

“Can I have a bag or…?


“Do you guys even carry napkins? I don’t see them.”

“Yeah, here you are. Do you need anything else?”


“Alright, thank you, have a good day.”


“I need red pepper for the pizza.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Here you go. Have a good day.” (And I think to myself: fuck you son of a bitch!)

Only the sounds of the door ring out.

“What was that all about?’

“Nothing, it was just another annoying customer.”

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Roman Marshanski
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