1) Don’t ask your roommate when he will wash his dirty dishes. Wash them for him. Then tell him he owes you.
2) My roommate didn’t wash his dirty dishes for three days. Then he finally said: “I will wash them tomorrow.” I said: “Don’t worry about it. I’m hoping to see some cockroaches. Haven’t seen them for a long time.”
3) Don’t ask your roommate if he will split an electricity bill with you. Break his iPhone. Then tell him his iPhone has paid its own electricity bill.
4) Don’t tell your roommate you have parents. Tell him you’re part of Russian mafia. This way he will be very polite with you.
5) Don’t tell your roommate to keep the bathroom clean. Tell him you would shit in his bed if he forgets to flush the toilet.
6) Don’t tell your roommate not to bring home stray pets. Kill a stray dog and put it in his bed, Godfather-style.
7) Don’t tell your roommate not to slam the door in the middle of the night. Slam the door in the middle of the night, then tell him he did it.
