That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Check out Really Funny President Jokes
As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?
I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. Check out our awesome collection of Really Funny Travel Jokes
I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? If I’m bipolar, aren’t there moments where a guy like crashes in the corner like, ‘Oh my God, it’s all my mom’s fault!’ Shut up! Shut up! Stop! Move forward.
Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever. Check out 20 Really Funny School Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
It’s not an act. I love it. It’s totally original. People go, ‘What’s going on with this guy? Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain?’ I don’t know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.
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The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.
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“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ “It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
“I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.” Check out our awesome collection of Frank Sinatra Quotes
Here’s the good news. If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m okay with it. I’m not dangerous insane. Funny Charlie Sheen Quotes
I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer – I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero. Check out our collection of Really Funny Marriage Jokes
I still don’t have all the answers. I’m more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.
The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.
I saw 28 Days. I don’t remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It’s a big landfill.
For now, I’m just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.
Charlie Sheen Tiger Blood Quote
I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people, people who aren’t special, people who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.
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You can’t process me with a normal brain.
I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it.
I’m tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat.
Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
I try to be known more for my work than for anything else.
You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.
I just didn’t believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.
I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn’t earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.
There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past.
Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you’re acting.
I don’t have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.
Duh! So, we’re asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?
I’ve got volumes on how not to behave. I’ve got more information now than a guy should have at my age.
I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.
I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.
I’ve spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.
People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I’m gonna hang onto them and they’re gonna fuel my attack.
From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to ‘Sheen’s Korner’ … You’re either in my corner, or you’re with the trolls. Check out some really cool Hollywood Jokes
But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.
Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there’s no manual, no training course.
What you come to discover is, it isn’t how you get there, it’s that you get there. If that’s what it took to get me where I’m at today, so be it.
Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn’t make you want to jump into that business.
I’m dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don’t have time for these clowns.
When friends asked me, Can we help? I’d say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars. Check out our collection of Really Funny Friendship Quotes
Slash sat me down at his house and said, You’ve got to clean up your act. You know you’ve gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you’ve got to get into rehab.
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn’t?
I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don’t think people are ready for the message that I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
What is a normal childhood? We weren’t rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn’t save any money. Check out Really Funny Money Quotes That Will Make You Laugh
I just don’t want to live like I used to. And at some point, I’m going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I’ve got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.
I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time – and this includes naps – I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.
There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.
We’re going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I’m going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it’s worth a fortune. I’ll make this a work of magic warlock art.
I’ve got mad energy for days. That’s what people can’t get their minds around. They say, ‘Oh, he’s going to crash.’ They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common. I don’t fit into their little box.
I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it’ well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?
You have the right to kill me, but you don’t have the right to judge me. That’s life. There’s nobility in that. There’s focus. It’s genuine. It’s crystal and it’s pure and it’s available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.
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