Stiles Stilinski Quotes
“Teen Wolf: Frenemy (#2.6)” (2012)
Stiles: I got it. Kill Jackson. Problem solved.
Sheriff Stilinski: What’re you doing here?
Stiles: What do you mean what am I doing here? What? It’s a club. It’s a club, we were clubbing, you know? At the club.
Sheriff Stilinski: Not exactly your type of club.
Stiles: Uh- well, dad- There’s a conversation that we…
Sheriff Stilinski: You’re not gay.
Stiles: I could be!
Sheriff Stilinski: Not dressed like that.
Jackson: Scales. Like a fish?
Stiles: No. More like a reptile. And your claws have this liquid that paralyzes people. And you have a tail.
Jackson: I have a tail?
Stiles: Yeah, you do.
Jackson: Does it do anything?
Stiles: Not that I know of.
Jackson: Can I use it to strangle you?
Scott McCall: Dude, everyone here’s a dude! I think we’re in a gay club!
Stiles: [Surrounded by drag queens] Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses…
“Teen Wolf: Anchors (#3.13)” (2014)
Scott McCall: Okay, so what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things?
Stiles: And is unable to tell what’s real or not?
Allison Argent: And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives?
Isaac Lahey: They’re all locked up because they’re insane.
Stiles: [Explaining sleep paralysis] It happens because during REM sleep your body is basically paralyzed. It’s called muscle atonia. That way if you start dreaming about running, you don’t actually start running in your bed.
Scott McCall: That makes sense.
Stiles: But sometimes your mind can wake up before your body does. So for this split second, you’re actually aware that your body is paralyzed. And that’s the terrifying part. It turns your dream into a nightmare. You can feel like you’re falling, like you’re being strangled, or, in my case, like you’re at the center of a grove of magical trees where human sacrifices took place.
Stiles: Hey, Dad, what is all this?
Sheriff Stilinski: I’ve been looking over some old cases from a more “illuminated” perspective; if you know what I mean.
Stiles: [Reads] “Strange sighting of bipedal lizard man sprinting across freeway”.
Sheriff Stilinski: Kanima pile.
Stiles: You know, if my dad’s right, that means there’s another werewolf in town that we haven’t met yet.
Scott McCall: I know.
Stiles: If it turns out to be something like triplets that form into, like, a three-headed hound of hell, I’m seriously not up for that.
“Teen Wolf: Muted (#4.3)” (2014)
Liam: I came here to play lacrosse. The team could use a few good players, right?
Stiles: No. No, we don’t need any more good players.
Scott McCall: Actually, we could sort of use a couple.
Stiles: [Suspicious] Have you always been this good. Or did it suddenly happen just once over night?
[Gets looks from Liam and Scott] Stiles: Have you ever been out in the middle of the woods during the night of a full mo…
Scott McCall: Stiles!
Liam: Look, I learned from my stepfather, all right? He made team captain when he was a sophomore. Like you. And yeah… I guess I’m just that good.
[Leaves] Scott McCall: He wasn’t lying that time.
“Teen Wolf: Wolf Moon (#1.1)” (2011)
Harley: Can someone tell me how new girl is here all of five minutes and she’s already hanging out with Lydia’s clique?
Stiles: Because she’s hot. Beautiful people herd together.
Sheriff Stilinski: So you listen to all of my phone calls?
Stiles: No… well, not the boring ones.
Stiles: Two joggers found a body in the woods.
Scott McCall: A dead body?
Stiles: No, a body of water. Yes, dumb ass, a dead body.
Scott McCall: You know what actually worries me the most?
Stiles: If you say Allison, I’m gonna punch you in the head.
Stiles: It’s a specific kind of infection.
Scott McCall: Are you serious?
Stiles: Yeah. I think it’s called lycanthropy.
Scott McCall: What’s that? Is it bad?… There could be something seriously wrong with me!
Stiles: I know, you’re a werewolf! Rwrrr!
Stiles: I mean, this is seriously going to be the best thing that’s happened to this town since-
[Lydia walks by] Stiles: since the birth of Lydia Martin. Hey Lydia! You look- like you’re gonna ignore me.
[to Scott] Stiles: You’re the cause of this, you know, dragging me down to your nerd depths.
Scott McCall: Uh-huh.
Stiles: I’m a nerd by association. I’ve been scarlet nerd-ed by you.
Stiles: Come on, if I have to, I’ll chain you up myself on full moon nights and feed you, live, mice. I had a boa once. I can do it.
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