22 Christmas One Liners
These Christmas one liners will make you laugh. They are the most hilarious you will find.
- Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
- Where do sheep get their hair cut? At the baa baa shop.
- Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas? You’ll have turkey just like the rest of us.
- What goes “oh oh oh”? Santa walking backwards.
- What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.
- What is a lion’s favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
- Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: “Let’s play Christmas. I’ll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I’ll give you away.”
- Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?
- Why can’t the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn’t have legs.
- How about a month filled with stress and obligation? Pitch for December.
- What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
- What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
- Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
- There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
- Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner, and always wet? Because they are rain deer.
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
- What did the reindeer say before telling his joke? This one’ll sleigh you!
- Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
- The office Christmas party ?is a great opportunity to catch up ?with people you haven’t seen for ?20 minutes.
- Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
- One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
- I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!
Liked these Christmas one liners? Then share them with everyone you know. They would thank you.