Dead Birds Falling From Sky Are The Fallout From The Great Resignation
Unable to motivate their employees to return to work, the employers did something weird. As a result, people saw dead birds falling from sky. US employers justified their behavior in a perfectly reasonable way.
One US employer said the following: “I’ve already tried everything to get employees to stay, but nothing works. For example, I caused problems with payroll and paid my employees always late. But for some inexplicable reason, they didn’t like that. They’re so unbelievably ungrateful.”
Another US employer said the following: “Why would anyone quit when his health insurance got canceled? I mean come on! Nobody gets sick in the USA. It’s a country where medical bankruptcy is unheard of. We’re not some third world country where healthcare is too expensive. So I’ve done my employees a huge favor. I was negligent and caused the cancellation of their health insurance. What more can they possibly want from me?”
In short, US employers did many good things to make employees stay. They tried very hard indeed. Some tried even harder than those two. Elon Musk’s Tesla, for example, tried so hard that California sued them for racism. How could the employees not realize that racism was just a kind way to motivate them by infuriating them?
The Charity Responsible For Dead Birds Falling From Sky
So much goodwill from US employers, yet so little response from the employees. So the employers started a new charity to put an end to the Great Resignation. They called it the “Kind Dead Birds Drop On Your Head” because paying higher wages isn’t kind. It’s kind to receive charitable tax deductions for dropping dead birds on people’s heads. Never mind that the majority of those who work won’t experience that pleasure because the dead birds will be falling from the sky only during normal business hours.
Employers in other countries followed in the footsteps of US employers. Just look at the video from Mexico.
According to the Illuminati, the dead birds are supposed to be falling from the sky only on Wednesdays and Thursdays. If you saw them falling from the sky on another day of the week, those weren’t the birds of the US employers. Those were the birds falling down as a result of a predatory bird swooping down to make a catch. That’s according to scientists though, so I wouldn’t take it too scientifically. I’d rather take it as one of those hilarious Norm Macdonald jokes because the scientists are known to be notorious jokers.
Either way, many prominent US philanthropists are supporting the Kind Dead Birds Drop On Your Head. Bill Gates, for example, donated more than half a billion dollars to help this wonderful charity raise awareness of the Great Resignation. That’s a wonderful idea: dead birds falling from sky will raise awareness by falling down.
Please share this satirical article with your social media friends now because they deserve to know all kinds of absurdity.
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