Talking Cars May Come to USA in 2017: Will They Stutter?

Car in the Shape of Open Mouth

“Look at me! I can talk!”

Very soon we may hear cars talk to each other. I already imagine what some cars will say to each other: “Get off the road you moron!” That would remind me of my wonderful family.

Reuters has reported that “U.S. regulators are crafting a rule that would require all new vehicles to be able to ‘talk’ to one another using wireless technology”. They say it would reduce the number of accidents. I say it would reduce the number of times the people yell at each other.

This technology is supposed to be put in place in early 2017. That’s the time when Obama will still be in office, so he could follow in Al Gore’s footsteps and claim he invented the first talking car. That’s of course a joke. Al Gore never claimed he invented the Internet. He just said that “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.” So Obama would probably say something like: “During my years as a president, I took the initiative in creating a malfunctioning website and even more malfunctioning stuttering car.”

How exactly will they talk though? Will they be able to speak only English? Will they be able to scream at each other? And finally, will they be able to engage in sweet-talk?

If so, they may be able to hit on each other. Think this is funny? I don’t think so. Some big cars are probably horny. So if some cute little car comes their way – Mini, for example – they may want to get some action and will start hitting on it. What would happen next? A Collision.

When “a public comment period” begins, I will submit this to the Department of Transportation. I will further add: “if cars can talk, they can also reproduce. Therefore, how can you avoid collisions?”

Roman Marshanski
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