Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake. Bob Hope
Happy birthday from your only friend other than alcohol. Unknown
Even if it was in haste, I’m glad your parents had unprotected sex around nine months prior to your birthdate. Unknown
Sorry you’re old enough that the sloppy, half-naked, passed out people in your Facebook feed are your friend’s babies instead of your friends. Unknown
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. Unknown
Today’s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother’s uterus. Happy birthday! Unknown
With age comes wisdom. You’re now the wisest person I know. Happy birthday! Unknown
I promise to celebrate your 29th birthday for as many as you can think you can get away with it. Unknown
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you’ve already been doing since you were 15. Unknown
I look forward to honoring your request for no gifts. Unknown
I’m sorry that your January birthday means you were probably conceived on April Fool’s Day. Unknown
If your birthday party fell on the same night as another birthday party, I’d get the other one out of the way first. Unknown
Two secrets on your birthday: 1. Forget the past, you can’t change it. 2. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one. Unknown
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder. Unknown
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas. Happy birthday! Unknown
The only way I’d love you more is if you were me. Unknown
Happy birthday. You might want to check your birth certificate, I think it expired. Unknown
Out of all the birthday wishes you get today, I bet mine will be the wishiest. Unknown
Sorry I only wished you a happy birthday in person and not on your Facebook wall. Unknown
Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed. Unknown
I don’t remember or care how old you are but let’s celebrate like you’re 21. Unknown
Happy sweet sixteen or multiple thereof. Unknown
Happy birthday to someone I care about enough to not ignore their birthday reminder on Facebook. Unknown
You may be over the hill, but at least you’re not buried under it… Happy birthday! Unknown
Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games. Unknown
’m a bit too lazy to wish you a happy birthday on Facebook. Mind if I just “like” someone else’s post? Unknown
However old you are is the new 30. Happy birthday! Unknown
May your birthday be filled with joy… and wine. Unknown
Sorry you have to scroll so far down the menus on websites to choose your birth year. Happy birthday you old dog. Unknown
You’re not nearly as fat or bald as I thought you’d be at this age. Unknown
Let’s drink as much on your birthday as your dad did when he found out your mom was pregnant with you. Unknown
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year. Unknown
Funny Birthday Quotes
We searched all over the Web for these funny birthday quotes. You will enjoy them. So will the people you congratulate.
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ Jerry Seinfeld
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ Steven Wright
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. E. Joseph Cossman
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too. Children’s birthday song
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. Larry Lorenzoni
Age is not important unless you’re a cheese. Helen Hayes
The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. Unknown
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years experience. Unknown
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. George Bernard Shaw – Check out more George Bernard Shaw Quotes
You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful. Francis Cardinal Spellman
There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened? Cora Harvey Armstrong
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. Robert Frost
Old age is no place for sissies. Bette Davis
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. Unknown
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain – Check out more Mark Twain Quotes –
The secret to eternal youth is arrested development. Alice Roosevelt Longworth
An old fart is as good as a new one. Unknown
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Sir Norman Wisdom
Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am. Melanie White
The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no cake or presents. Jarod Kintz
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Groucho Marx – Check out more Groucho Marx Quotes –
Age is a number and mine is unlisted. Durward Kirby
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. Maurice Chevalier
They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much. Malcom Cowley
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Dyler
On every birthday, I ask my wife, ‘What would you like this year?’ and her instant reply is, ‘Diamonds! Diamonds! Diamonds!’ I’m always living in hope that one day she’ll say she just wants me! Akshay Kumar
When someone asks if you’d like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? Lisa Loeb
Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? Bobby Kelton
Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know. Andy Borowitz
Another year older, none the wiser. Unknown
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake. Jo Brand
It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle. Unknown
I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. Eva Gabor
I can’t believe it’s already been a year since the last time I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday. Unknown
On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. Jarod Kintz
If everybody was treated like they matter — everyday; birthdays wouldn’t be so special. Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in,the more wrinkled you get. Robert Oustin
Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar Yung No Mo. Unknown
Birthday Soup is good to eat, but not as good as Birthday Cake. Else Holmelund Minarik
I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman. Jarod Kintz
I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to. Albert Einstein – Check out more Albert Einstein Quotes –
We are only young once. That is all society can stand. Bob Bowen
Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.” Kin Hubbard
Birthdays are like taxes. Both seem to happen too often and there’s no avoiding either. Blake Flannery
Gotta get it, even if it’s in the worse way. Got cake like everyday my birthday. Lil Wayne
Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it. Greg Tamblyn
Found these happy birthday quotes and wishes funny? Then share them with your friends. They would definitely thank you.
Roman Marshanski is the founder of Humoropedia.com and former Hollywood actor. You can Google his name to see the list of his movies (or you can click on his name above this box to visit his personal website). He wrote thousands of pages of fiction. Some of that fictional writing is screenplays and a lot of it is comedic writing. So he completed two feature film screenplays and many shorter literary works, some of which are comedy. He did most of that writing during his film career as a Hollywood actor. He was the lead actor in Rebecca Cremona's Magdalena. Rebecca Cremona was Steven Spielberg's protege on Munich. So he has a deep understanding of the creative process and can be considered an authority on all things related to humor. Indeed, his screenplays contain a lot of humor. That's where his love for jokes started. Eventually, this love of jokes led Roman to the creation of Humoropedia.com, the wonderful home of funny jokes and witty puns. He thinks humor is something very good. If you also think so, please follow him on X now because he has a sense of humor.
