Angel Definition: The Winged Bureaucrat Who Files Clouds in Triplicate
An angel is a celestial employee hired mainly for their ability to stand in dramatic shafts of light while pretending not to judge you. Their main job is paperwork — mostly filing cloud-formation requests, processing harp-tuning complaints, and issuing “Miracle Permits” to saints who still think they’re celebrities.
Despite popular belief, angels do not float; they hover by means of quiet smugness. Their wings are not for flying, but for making mortals feel underdressed. In the event of a major disaster, angels are trained to descend, point meaningfully at the sky, and then leave before anyone asks for follow-up.
Warning: An angel who smiles too widely is either delivering divine wisdom or trying to sell you a cloud timeshare.
