Blasphemy Definition: When Offending God Comes With a Coupon
Blasphemy, in its original and least ambitious form, meant saying something rude about a deity, preferably within earshot. Scholars insist it was invented minutes after the invention of the deity, proving early humans had both imagination and bad timing.
In formal use, blasphemy is the art of declaring, with great confidence, that the eternal is mistaken—often while wearing socks with sandals. It is not limited to spoken words; a raised eyebrow, an undercooked prayer, or sculpting the Almighty as a potato can qualify.
Its chief paradox: the louder one shouts against it, the more one usually commits it. Those who denounce blasphemy most passionately are known to whisper their own during card games and committee meetings.
Warning: Excessive blasphemy may result in divine sighs, spiritual paperwork, or the sudden transformation of your toast into the face of a saint—just to make you nervous.
