Funny Relationship Quotes

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Funny Relationship Quotes About Alarm Clock

These funny relationship quotes will make you laugh. We did our best to bring you only the best.

We can improve our relationships with others if we become encouragers instead of critics. Joyce Meyer

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge. Ronny Shakes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. Funny Relationship Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
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Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. Maya Angelou

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. Funny Relationship Quotes by Oscar Wilde Check out our awesome collection of Oscar Wilde Quotes

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. Dave Attell

Yeah, relationships are pretty cool, but have you ever heard of pizza? Unknown

The key to a successful relationship is to clear your Internet history. Unknown

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Funny Relationship Quotes by Woody Allen Check out our awesome collection of Woody Allen Quotes

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays. Unknown

There should be a relationship status called, ‘currently creeping’. Unknown

I have a very strange relationship in general with women around my music. There’s some that understand it and some that think there should be a law against it. Nick Cave

Funny Relationship Quotes About Caring For Each Other

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Damn, he’s one lucky man.’ Unknown

A relationship isn’t going to make me survive. It’s the cherry on top. Jennifer Aniston

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Gardner

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Sharon Stone

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day — and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Mae West
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It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
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Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them. Unknown

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders. Linda Festa

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. Bobby Kelton

I am convinced that material things can contribute a lot to making one’s life pleasant, but, basically, if you do not have very good friends and relatives who matter to you, life will be really empty and sad and material things cease to be important. David Rockefeller

When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks. Rita Rudner

You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years. Al Cleathen

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. Jonathan Carroll

Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances. Marc Maihueird

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. Nick Hornby

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. Henny Youngman

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too. Maria Bamford

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2. Curated Quotes: 37 Funniest Relationship Quotes

 

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