It began in the broom museum of Iowa, where I had gone to escape responsibility and dust allergies. I was admiring a 1923 corn-bristle model when a small, round penguin waddled up and handed me a business card that simply said: “Pudgy Penguins – Accelerating Web3.”
I asked if he worked there. He said no, he was there, and that was enough.
The penguin explained he was part of a proud flock of 8,888 siblings, each living in the blockchain like polite digital ghosts who paid property taxes in Ethereum. He claimed his brothers were designing toys, shirts, and “emotional infrastructure” while his sisters were making community empowerment “go viral” through the force of penguin-themed optimism.
I asked what any of this had to do with me. That’s when he offered me a lawn mower.
“It’s not a regular mower,” he said gravely. “It’s an NFT mower. You can’t cut grass with it in the physical world, but in the metaverse, your front yard will be immaculate.”
I told him I didn’t own virtual property. He told me I was thinking too small. “Someday, you’ll need to mow the digital lawns of the future. And when that day comes, do you want to be scrambling for a mower… or ready?”
I bought it.
The penguin shook my hand, sold me a T-shirt, and left. The next day my email said I now owned “Pudgy Penguin #4721 – Lawn Care Enthusiast Edition.”
The strange part? My neighbor’s grass looks shorter too.
