Funny Birthday Quotes and Wishes

really funny birthday wishes about a Facebook reminder
These really funny birthday quotes and wishes will make you laugh. They are the best you will find.

Funny Happy Birthday Wishes

funny birthday wishes for your Facebook wall

We searched all over the Web for these funny happy birthday wishes. You will enjoy them. So will the people whom you wish them.

Happy birthday to someone who’s still a long way from being as old and useless as Congress. Unknown

Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet. Unknown

May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked. Unknown

May you live long enough that you become an emotional and financial burden to your whole family. Unknown

May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy. Unknown – Check out more Michael Jackson Quotes

Gray hair is God’s graffiti. Bill Cosby – Check out more really Funny Bill Cosby Quotes

Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake. Bob Hope

Happy birthday from your only friend other than alcohol. Unknown

Even if it was in haste, I’m glad your parents had unprotected sex around nine months prior to your birthdate. Unknown

Sorry you’re old enough that the sloppy, half-naked, passed out people in your Facebook feed are your friend’s babies instead of your friends. Unknown

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. Unknown

Today’s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother’s uterus. Happy birthday! Unknown

With age comes wisdom. You’re now the wisest person I know. Happy birthday! Unknown

I promise to celebrate your 29th birthday for as many as you can think you can get away with it. Unknown

When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you’ve already been doing since you were 15. Unknown

I look forward to honoring your request for no gifts. Unknown

I’m sorry that your January birthday means you were probably conceived on April Fool’s Day. Unknown

If your birthday party fell on the same night as another birthday party, I’d get the other one out of the way first. Unknown

Two secrets on your birthday: 1. Forget the past, you can’t change it. 2. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one. Unknown

Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder. Unknown

If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas. Happy birthday! Unknown

The only way I’d love you more is if you were me. Unknown

Happy birthday. You might want to check your birth certificate, I think it expired. Unknown

Out of all the birthday wishes you get today, I bet mine will be the wishiest. Unknown

Sorry I only wished you a happy birthday in person and not on your Facebook wall. Unknown

Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed. Unknown

I don’t remember or care how old you are but let’s celebrate like you’re 21. Unknown

Happy sweet sixteen or multiple thereof. Unknown

Happy birthday to someone I care about enough to not ignore their birthday reminder on Facebook. Unknown

You may be over the hill, but at least you’re not buried under it… Happy birthday! Unknown

Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games. Unknown

’m a bit too lazy to wish you a happy birthday on Facebook. Mind if I just “like" someone else’s post? Unknown

However old you are is the new 30. Happy birthday! Unknown

May your birthday be filled with joy… and wine. Unknown

Sorry you have to scroll so far down the menus on websites to choose your birth year. Happy birthday you old dog. Unknown

You’re not nearly as fat or bald as I thought you’d be at this age. Unknown

Let’s drink as much on your birthday as your dad did when he found out your mom was pregnant with you. Unknown

At least you’re not as old as you will be next year. Unknown

Funny Birthday Quotes

really funny birthday quotes about statistics

We searched all over the Web for these funny birthday quotes. You will enjoy them. So will the people you congratulate.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ Jerry Seinfeld

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ Steven Wright

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. E. Joseph Cossman

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too. Children’s birthday song

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. Larry Lorenzoni

Age is not important unless you’re a cheese. Helen Hayes

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. Unknown

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years experience. Unknown

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. George Bernard Shaw – Check out more George Bernard Shaw Quotes

You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful. Francis Cardinal Spellman

There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened? Cora Harvey Armstrong

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. Robert Frost

Old age is no place for sissies. Bette Davis

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. Unknown

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain – Check out more Mark Twain Quotes

The secret to eternal youth is arrested development. Alice Roosevelt Longworth

An old fart is as good as a new one. Unknown

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Sir Norman Wisdom

Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am. Melanie White

The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no cake or presents. Jarod Kintz

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Groucho Marx – Check out more Groucho Marx Quotes

Age is a number and mine is unlisted. Durward Kirby

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. Maurice Chevalier

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much. Malcom Cowley

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Dyler

On every birthday, I ask my wife, ‘What would you like this year?’ and her instant reply is, ‘Diamonds! Diamonds! Diamonds!’ I’m always living in hope that one day she’ll say she just wants me! Akshay Kumar

When someone asks if you’d like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? Lisa Loeb

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? Bobby Kelton

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know. Andy Borowitz

Another year older, none the wiser. Unknown

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake. Jo Brand

It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle. Unknown

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. Eva Gabor

I can’t believe it’s already been a year since the last time I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday. Unknown

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. Jarod Kintz

If everybody was treated like they matter — everyday; birthdays wouldn’t be so special. Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in,the more wrinkled you get. Robert Oustin

Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar Yung No Mo. Unknown

Birthday Soup is good to eat, but not as good as Birthday Cake. Else Holmelund Minarik

I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman. Jarod Kintz

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to. Albert Einstein – Check out more Albert Einstein Quotes

We are only young once. That is all society can stand. Bob Bowen

Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." Kin Hubbard

Birthdays are like taxes. Both seem to happen too often and there’s no avoiding either. Blake Flannery

Gotta get it, even if it’s in the worse way. Got cake like everyday my birthday. Lil Wayne

Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it. Greg Tamblyn

funny happy birthday picture
Found these happy birthday quotes and wishes funny? Then share them with your friends. They would definitely thank you.

Related Birthday Links:

1. Pinterest.com: Funny Birthday Quotes
2. Pinterest.com: Funny Birthday Wishes
3. WishesQuotes.com: 100 Funny Birthday Wishes For Friends
4. CuratedQuotes.com: 55 Funniest Birthday Quotes
5. CuratedQuotes.com: 40 Funniest Birthday Wishes

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Roman Marshanski

Roman Marshanski

This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology. He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on Google+ or Pinterest for more awesome content.
Roman Marshanski