1. Mae ‘Maebe’ Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That’s a cross.
Mae ‘Maebe’ Funke: Across from where?
2. Narrator: Tobias listens to a day’s worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to…
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] … even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Oh, I’ve been in the film business for a while, but I just can’t seem to get one in the can.
Tobias Fünke: It’s out of context.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: …and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard.
3. Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny.
Michael Bluth: Yeah, that’s a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.
Narrator: Hey. That’s the name of the show.
4. Tobias Fünke: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over – an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.
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5. Michael: Tell me the truth. There’s been a lot of lying in this family
Lucille: And a lot of love.
Michael: More lies.
6. Michael: I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad’s always played us off each other.
Gob: Dad always said that was your fault.
7. [repeated line]
Gob: I’ve made a huge mistake.
8. Gob: Steve Holt’s not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
Gob: That’s my son, you pothead.
9. Tobias Fünke: So what are your plans for this evening?
Bob Loblaw: I thought that maybe I would stay in and work on my law blog.
Tobias Fünke: Ah, yes. The “Bob Loblaw Law Blog”. You, sir, are a mouthful.
10. Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I *deceived* you. “Tricked” makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
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11. Michael Bluth: [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I’ve got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth: I said “cot”.
12. [Tobias discovers that George Sr. has been living in the attic]
Tobias Fünke: What are you doing up here?
George Sr.: I’m having a fucking tea party, what does it look like? I live here. You tell anyone, you are DEAD.
[he shoves Tobias up against the wall with his hand against his mouth]
George Sr.: Stop licking my hand, you horse’s ass.
13. Gob: [talking about his new boat] The Seaward.
Michael: You’re not getting a boat.
Gob: [doing rock, paper, scissors] One, two, three.
Michael: You’re not gonna do it…
Gob: Paper covers rock.
Michael: Fine, but rock sinks boat.
Lucille: [entering room] Michael.
Michael: Just a minute mom.
Michael: . Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.
14. Tobias Fünke: Don’t leave your uncle T-Bag hanging.
George Michael Bluth: Please don’t call yourself that.
15. Buster: [Confronting Lucille about his birth father] You lied to me… you said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE.
16. Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.
17. [Michael has found his brother, Gob, hidden in his office]
Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can’t believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous.
Gob: So you came back here to hide like a child.
Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?
Gob: Hiding from a child. Big difference.
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
Gob: He doesn’t know what he feels. I’m tired of being told – my God. What is this feeling?
[Schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you’re feeling is just what many of us call… a “feeling”.
Gob: It’s not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it’s the opposite – it’s like my heart is getting hard.
[the music reaches its crescendo]
Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.
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